The Disappearance of my Atlantic City Virginity.

I had to make my first semi-important decision of 09 hah. Either cough up some money and hit up Atlantic City for the first time in my life with some of my boys...or save that money and just go to a TKE party out on Staten Island. The more I thought about it however (a pretty sick hookup- Party Bus, Hotel and Booze) for a one-night stay there, the more feasible it was for me to suck it up and head down there and the more of a no-brainer it was. In essence it was like choosing if Usain Bolt is faster than Brett Favre (physically and mentally, that is). So I said fuck it.

For starters we got onto the Party Bus which left at about 415. It was gonna take us about 3 hours or so to get down there so we had time to just chill out. Some strategized about how they were gonna take the blackjack tables down hah, I played spades with a few of my boys but one thing was clear; the wine and Grey Goose was flowin like a mothafucka. That bus was pretty effin bumpy for some reason but it was arguably the best part of the trip. Party Bus Final Grade: A

Myself and a couple of my friends stayed at the Showboat (the rest went to the Borgata) and the hotel was pretty nice; can't lie about that. As expected the first thing that greets you is bright ass lights and them damn slot machines. Much to my chagrin they don't take coins hah...and they're slick too; the smallest bill you can give them is a $5 FUCK. We in a recession, why you want me to put a $5 down on a nickel slot (they even had penny slots good Lord). I am convinced that the most depressed people in AC are the ones in the slots because they are in the fuckin zone. There was even one lady hoggin up 2 of them shits right next to each other. Fuck Dance Dance Revolution this cougar was hittin em lights with accuracy on both slots. And the other tricky part about them is that if you select the middle, they HAVE to be right in the middle too. I lost prob $5 in the slots so I went to take out money...

A $5 SURCHARGE??? FROM PNC BANK??? WHO WHAT WHY????

I took out $40 and vowed that I would not be taking out any more money the rest of the trip. I first tested my luck at the roulette table. I was watchin my boy bet and it kept hitting Red. I don't bother to fuck with tryin to pick a number...even if that bitch is 36-1 odds; I prefer my what, 16/36 chance of gettin red or whatever the fuck it is? Go figure, when I go in there, I pick red...and it goes black. Fail. I did win once...only to lose my valuable $10 on this play:
DK selects: Red; Odd
Roulette selects: Black; Even

GAHHH!

I lost $20 on roulette. Played some craps for $25 and got shitted on in that fuckery too. Nothin was hittin and I retired from the casino for the night. I regret not playin BlackJack though to be honest...especially since my boy won about $275 from that shit in about an hour... Final Gambling Grade: D and now I have beared witness once again to not only the Gambling Gods with the Sportsbooks...but now also with the Casino. I HATE THAT ONLY VEGAS HAS SPORTSBOOKS BY THE WAY, because I would have won money taking the Colts-Chargers Under 50 (they combined for 40).

With that out of the way, it's time to do what DK loves to do best and that is to socialize with some of the purest snowflakes you can find to potentially snowplow. With this, I headed to the Borgata and it was time for another potentially life-altering decision. Do I cough up $25 to go inside this club named Mur Mur with the majority of my boys (seeing there were hella dope lookin chicks that went inside) or do I head to Caesar's Palace and spend nothing to go into a bar/lounge called Game On! and that we have bottle service or some shit (but not know how it's like in that bitch)? I figured fuck it I'll go into Game On! and see what's good. When I got there, it wasn't that bad, a good amount of chicks there (the Jerz type) and I can't say they weren't pleasing to the eye in most cases. You had the usual Super-Bitches but then you had the friendlier types that wouldn't mind if you approached them (I don't get that enough times in NYC). My two primary episodes:

1) I stare at this chick and she stares back and gives me that smile. Turns out she's likely in her 30s but she's at the spot with some guy friend. She tells me her story about how she's separated from her husband right now yada yada yada...but I'll give this story props. They actually mutually decided to file for divorce bc they both acknowledged there's no sparks in their relationship anymore. Good God, does that ever happen anymore?? And I thought the characters on The Hills had IQs. They ain't even had sex in a year! Yikes, yeh you better pull (no prayin needed) the plug on that one. I had no chance tho because she (as most women should be) said straight up "I'd feel awkward messin around with another dude right now." and bein the gentleman I am I respected that.

2) I figured this one was gonna happen. The trashed as fuck chick who stumbles and "bumps into you" and grabs your attention. I'll tell you what tho, she musta been cornfed because she had a booty hah especially for someone blonde. She just comes to me and goes "I'm lost" in that slight Down's Syndrome drunk voice. And she wants me to buy her a shot WTF?? The last thing this broad needs is another drink but since I'm on vaca, I went against my religion and my better knowledge and got her and myself a shot of Patron. I will say she did a damn good job of shakin that derriere on me and she musta had some black in her bc she had the slow-wine down pretty damn pact. Then, she just walked away as randomly as she came to me, she was bumpin into everyone ha she musta been some undercover prostitute workin for free for New Years Weekend, but even when she did that and I was on her, no1 dared to try and talk to her hah. Idk if that's a good or bad thing. She then left her purse sheesh...and that coulda been JACKPOT for me I'm sure in terms of money...but I figured yep, do the right thing and give it to her. Which got me a makeout kiss hah. Then she wanted me to help find her a bathroom ha. And she made out with me again. Dear God. Like I've said before I don't mind drunk chicks...but when it gets to that trashed level, it ain't fun no more...it gets embarassing (insert hyena laugh here).

I couldn't complain about the chicks aspect though. Maybe if I was down there for a weekend I could get a better feel for the club scene...and it's probably a lot better over the summer...but I can't complain. Final Club/Chicks Grade: B

Overall- AC is somewhat overrated. If you're there more for the gambling, you'll have a good time...if you're there more for the partying, it's pretty decent. But nothing over the top. It is a poor man's Vegas I'm sure hah. I give AC a B-. I def will want to go back there.

And so on.