DK's Power 10 Youtube Video Poll.

This doesn't take into account songs or anything like that because if it did, it'd really be unfair (more on that in a moment). Also, I didn't include any of my 4 videos on the list- but feel free to hit my youtube page and watch my shit. I can't believe my LIRR video has 2,500+ views now hah I feel semi-famous.

But anyways, yeah it's 10, I wanted it to be 13 because it's my favorite number but niggeritis kicked in so suck on that.

1) Both Teams Played Hard- Rasheed Wallace. Unseating Mike Tyson this month is one of my newest idols, Rasheed Wallace. It's fitting because now we're in playoff mode in the NBA and NHL and you'd figure yes, both teams play hard.

2) Best of Mike Tyson Ridiculous Quotes Volume 2. I've already dedicated a blog just to this damn video so you already know how I feel about this. It's a must watch.

3) Terrell Owens Crying. This video never gets old. One of my youtube videos actually dedicates a dance to it, although it was kinda poorly recorded because we were all hella drunk hah.

4) Stephon Marbury Interview on Mike'd Up. After watching this interview (yes it's about 9 and a half minutes but if you know about basketball it's a must watch), you'll be hard pressed to find a dumber player in the NBA.

5) I like Turtles (Remix). Honestly I don't know why I find this to be so hilarious, but I stumbled upon it one night because I kept hearing it on the Peter Rosenberg late night show.

6) It's Still Real To Me Damnit! Don't get me wrong, I loved wrestling back in the day when I was a kid, even when I was as a teenager during the late 90s and shit...by then I obviously knew it was fake (though they really do take some legitamate bumps and bruises every time out) but good God hah. By the way, the sped-up version is hysterical.

7) My New Haircut. I'd be damned if you haven't seen this video already. Reason why I have this up here is because although it's been a while since I've watched it, as the weather is getting warmer, this video is becoming more and more appropriate; plus this was the springboard to all those other spoofs (which aren't as funny to me anyway).

8) Dennis Green Flips. You better crown their asses...and quickly hah.

9) Allen Iverson Practice. We're talkin about practice man. Maybe if the Nuggets practiced at all they might've at least won a game this postseason hah.

10) End of Ze World. Ahh, so damn true.

Honorable Mention:
Coach Saban Makes Manuel Wright Cry
Ball Don't Lie
Andrew Bogut High-Fiving Himself

And so on.

Sunday Night Rah-Rah/Sean Bell Double Feature.

This week I feel good ya know? Let's get it.

1) I was listenin to the radio this mornin (yes, I have to get up at 8 somethin in the mornin to drop my grandmother off to Brooklyn) and they were talkin about this dude who was having consensual sex with a chick, she told him to stop but he kept goin for literally 5 more seconds...and then she decided to call rape. WTF?? Now I've heard it all. All I can deduce as to what happened is either:
a) She suddenly realized that the dude looked like DK and not like Usher.
b) His dick was small.
c) You didn't follow Aaliyah's advice and rock the boat, rock the boat, work the middle, etc.
d) Maybe it actually hurt.

Either way, it kinda gets me worried now about chicks. I doubt most would be retarded enough to do that but imagine hookin up with someone, goin back to the crib, smashin and then wakin up in the morning and them goin "Oh hell nah dude musta slipped somethin in my drank!" Another ploy to get us in trouble, and you kno the police gonna take their word everytime. Shit I have a voice recordin thing on my Razr I might need to put it to use now hah. If I'm gettin me some I have to double or triple check to make sure this is authentic; not like a "Mitchell and Ness" jersey you'd get from your local bootlegger.

2) I have an interview this Tuesday morning at a sports marketing firm. Now normally I wouldn't be too too nervous about it because I know how the interview process goes, but I really need an internship and I'm almost on some now or never powertrip. It's been a year since I had one in the sports field and I tend to get discouraged easily. I'll go on interviews but never seem to get them...and I don't know why, I always think I did well but there's always "someone who did better yap yap yap". I feel like I need to completely dominate this one, be on my A+ game like I never have before. I'm probably 1 for my last 15 bleh. John Starks would be proud. But seriously, wish me luck. The good kind.

3) Brief grading on the NBA series thus far:
a) Celtics-Hawks: C. Boston dominated the first 2 as expected, but I am kinda shocked the Hawks actually won a game and put up a helluva fight too. Their passion is definetly there- being the youngest team in the 16 team playoff field.
b) Pistons-Sixers: B-. Philly shocked a lot of people winning the first game at Detroit, then the Pistons played for real again in the following game. When the series shifted to Philly, same story. Absolutely stunning 20 point Sixers victory in game 3 and then the Pistons played hard in game 4. This on/off switch of Detroit's is maddening.
c) Magic-Raptors: C. Most people thought this would be a good series but in actuality the Magic really are the better team and proved why in games 1, 2 and 4. Of course the Raptors were gonna win game 3, like most teams do coming home.
d) Cavs-Wizards: B. 2 mammoth blowouts (30+ point victories for Cleveland in game 2 and Washington in game 3), but sandwiched inbetween were 2 hard-fought games that could've went the Wizards' way...but the LeBrons somehow pull them out. Pretty physical series but unfortunately it doesn't look like the Wiz will solve the LeBrons again this year.
e) Lakers-Nuggets: F. Lakers are totally dominating this series, Nuggets are looking discombabulated, frustrated, everything. Hell, they couldn't even put up 90 last night! This series needs to mercilessly end tommorrow for the love of God. I thought Celtics-Hawks would be the most lopsided series boy I was wrong.
f) Hornets-Mavs: D. Yeah, it really looks like that Jason Kidd deal really worked well for the Mavs...not. 2 convincing victories in the NO, of course Dallas wins game 3 but Hornets controlled the tempo tonight. In New Orleans next game, this one is over. Mavs are missing leadership; pretty ironic that Stephon Marbury wanted his team to be like Dallas (go to the 4 minute mark; but honestly it's one of the funniest interviews ever in general).
g) Spurs-Suns: C-. Only gets this mark because game 1 was an instant classic. Suns haven't proven they can close out games, and it's pretty obvious why Gregg Poppovich is the best coach in the NBA. Granted the Suns annihalated the Spurs tonight but that's only delaying the inevitable since they're now down 3-1. Would I love for the Suns to win, you bet your ass I do. But the chances of that happening are about as good as me gettin sunburnt.
h) Rockets-Jazz: A-. The best series thus far, even though the Jazz are up 3-1 this series has emphasized exactly what the playoffs are about; close, low scoring, timely baskets kinda games. All 4 games could have gone either way.

4) Quote of the week courtesy of one of my customers at the Apple Store on Friday: "Look at me man I'm 81 years old...and I'm still lookin at all these beautiful young ladies that walk by. My grandfather always told me the day you stop lookin at women is the day you roll over and die."

5) Everytime I listen to the radio over here I always hear these damn commercials about either Zencor Tabs (some shit that apparently helps your sexual endurance) or some shit about Right-Sized Smoothies (in which they claim some chick lost 47 pounds so far off of) and they're always risk-free trials. Hella suspect if you ask me hah, side effects probably include death, a permanently erect penis or some shit who knows. I don't really care about sexual endurance at this time since I don't have a gf; the smoothies sure I'd be down to try, but Weight Watchers would probably be better for me anyway.

That's it for now because now I'm gonna make a far left turn and turn to a subject that really has me agitated- the Sean Bell incident. Now for those who may not have a clue as to what it's about (outside of NYC) read this ish here. Long story short, dude was chillin with his boys at a nightclub in Queens the day before his wedding day, an incident broke out outside and then cops shot 50 times. Yes, 50 effin times, Bell was killed while his 2 boys were injured. Nevertheless, this incident happened in 2006 and only 2 months ago the trial began here. To a lot of people's dismays...the cops COMPLETELY GOT OFF! No reckless endangerment, murder charges, assault, NOTHING AT ALL. The quote that I found total bullshit came from the police department and I kid you not, "What happened to Sean Bell was a tragedy, not a crime." Absolutely ridiculous; but I have to make a few points (in my typical brief and to the point fashion).

1) This was NOT racially motivated whatsoever. Matter of fact, the 3 cops were White, Black, and Hispanic. But for the cops to get off with everything on a state level (this was a state trial) proves that cops are pretty much above the law with everything. Sure working for the NYPD or any police force in a big city is a dangerous job, you risk life and death out in the streets every day. But this verdict goes to show that unless it was 100% blantant, you're more than likely gonna get off with nothing more than a slap on the wrist (administrative leave, big fuckin deal).

2) It's one thing if you're defending yourself sure, if someone is not complying to your orders and is shooting at you fine take a couple of non-life threatening shots. But to shoot off all of your clip, and then to RELOAD?? 50 shots?? Do you really need to? That's absolutely reckless.

3) With the delays in the trial, it fucks with the prosecution and is in the defense's advantage. Always. Because the longer an incident occurs, the more likely testimony can wind up being foggier and have inaccuracies in them that contradict the original testimony. That's what the judge even said about the shooting victims themselves and that was a significant reason for the non-guilty verdict. Also, not having a jury and only having the judge make the decision does not bode well for the prosecution because think about it- the judge doesn't want to prosecute in essence his own people: law enforcement.

4) The cops never even spoke during the entire ordeal/trial until only AFTER the verdict had been passed.

5) Okay sure, now the trial may go federal. But what's the most that's gonna happen? The city will owe the Bell family and the victims of the other families involved some millions of dollars. Big fucking deal. That's not gonna bring much in the way of justice nor closure.

Aight, now I'm done. Your thoughts are always appreciated, especially about the Sean Bell case.

And so on.

My Lack of Drive.

This blog entry is sponsored by the Hiphone. Yes, it was about damn time they came off with a knockoff of the iPhone but they've done it. Bootlegging at its saddest, IMO but that's a whole other story.

Anyways, it's weird how drastically I have changed from when I was little. When I was little, I was pretty intense with everything. I had a short temper, intense about school, pretty motivated as to what I wanted to do. As I got older however, I think I fell into some kind of a comfort zone. Probably I was taking everything for granted- being gifted in school and realizing that I didn't really need to study all that hard to achieve results I needed; having the luck of the draw go my way etc. This probably is the reason why what I call "adversity" is probably nothing more than a ploy, just a normal challenge that just seems hard because I can't motivate myself mentally to push ahead.

I have all these plans and different ideas as to what I wanna do, where I wanna be in X amount of time all the damn time. They sound great on paper yet for some odd reason I don't push forward with them and make it happen. I don't seem to have a rush to do it, thinking that somehow it will fall into my lap as quite a few things in my life have? I know life doesn't work that way, but why do I act like it does? Maybe it's the fact that I still live at home, as opposed to having to be forced to be self-sufficent. When I'm away from home that switch turns on; most likely out of necessity...I guess when I am at home I have that comfort of being able to procrastinate and let time fly past me. But there's gonna be a certain point in time in which I'm gonna want to move the F out. I don't wanna be that 26 year old hollerin at a chick but tellin her I can't take her home bc I still live in my parents' basement...you know how much of a turnoff that'll be hah?

Yeah it's hard to find a job especially in my field (Sports Management) but my biggest weakness (me being somewhat timid) is glaring here. My networking skills are WHACK, and at least in that capacity that's the one thing I hate about my major is that there's a lot of communication; I'm one to keep to myself. But truth be told, I've always been timid; I didn't say my first word until the age of 5 and they actually thought I was autistic hah what the fuck? So that in itself was a challenge I succeeded in. Obviously getting to where I am at today required a shitload of hard work...yet I don't feel accomplished...I feel unfulfilled. What am I gonna do about it? Just do it, like Nike should be my motto (but I work for Adidas so I'll stick to Impossible is Nothing hah). Me overthinking has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past and might be a reason why I have stopped dead in my tracks. I hate that I'm a person in which at the first sign of trouble instead of pressing on I tend to crumble. I don't want to be Memphis on the free throw line. I want to be David Tyree, Plaxico Burress, Eli Manning, gettin to the top by proving doubters wrong.

Overall I know I need a total mental change. Maybe a change of scenery is all I need. I need to pretend I guess that I'm living away from home and that I need to be self-sufficent and aggressive, as aggressive as I used to be when I was little. I can't live on like this forever, I got big plans, big goals...but I need to not think as much about shit that in the long run is trivial (girls in particular always is on my mind...as it should be but damn almost too much). This ain't only with finding a job/internship, but in everything I do.

a) With my working out. I was motivated, working out like 4-5x/week and then suddenly I got comfortable with myself (and rightfully so) but to the point where I stopped working out. It was okay for a while, then I never quite recovered after my breakup in November, my fight with my dad, a culmination of other bullshit (which happened all at once btw)...and I piled on some weight. I've been eating better recently though and working out a little bit more now but that passion I had as recently as June-July pre-New Orleans is long gone. If I can get that back, I'll lose all that weight I'm sure. I need to hate the way I look now and work out for me, not for anyone else. Because those that mind won't matter and those that matter won't mind.

b) I love Nevadas, I really do. But I need to go other places, check out other spots, find new, different crowds and different chicks, etc. I might have to sacrifice discounted, more powerful drinks to do so but so be it. A change of scenery would be refreshing for me because I feel robotic. It's gotten to the point where I'm sure my liver says Nevadas and I say ok let's do it.

c) Consistency is key. Yeah I can be consistent with Nevadas, the Apple Store, etc...but I need to be more consistent with stuff that in the long run is really more important and pertainent to my career, livlihood and so on. I should heed my own advice on these blogs I guess hah.

And so on.

Sunday Night Rah-Rah 3.

Let's cut right to the motherfuckin chase:

1) What the hell...kinda dancing shit did I witness this past Thursday? It's one thing to wanna dance with every dude (that's cool), but it's another to be doin some Dancing With the Stars type of shit to Karaoke...KARAOKE??? WHAT?? This is not ABC son. Next thing you know she woulda busted out a pleay for me. Oh wait...yeh she did she took my boy's arm as balance and she did a pleay. Julia Styles you have competition.

2) Dunkin Donuts coffee is better than Starbucks shit. If you don't agree, fuck off. You get more variety at an less expensive price and it's part of a balanced breakfast that they have too. What you gonna get a Starbucks coffee with? A damn $3 marble cake? Gimme a break I'll go to the bodega and get one for 50 cents.

3) Quick NBA first round playoff predictions (I already had done this before the playoffs started and I'm gonna stick to them):
Boston sweep
Pistons in 5
Magic in 5
Wizards in 6
Lakers in 5
Hornets in 6
Suns in 7
Rockets in 7.

4) I feel like I need to take my working out seriously again. I fell into a comfort zone in which I got comfortable with myself and then witness myself starting to look like my old self...which ain't good. My worst enemy is my lack of drive (which I'll explain around mid-week in another episode). I can never finish what I start...and I was doing really well too. Sure I fell into a little funk that took me longer to get out of than it should've but I don't know.

5) Song that best describes me right now: Second Coming- Juelz Santana

6) Mets week in review: Wonderful; beat up on the Nationals and took 2 of 3 from our nemesis the Phillies. Sittin in 2nd place, but you know me; I'm not gonna concern myself about standings until September.

7) I have gone 2 weeks without gambling now. I mean, a lot has to do with the fact I have a negative balance on my account YES! but I need money back hah. I'll be back in 2 weeks with that ish...but I am formulating strategies to make my money back. It'll be The 700 Club (remix) since I'm 700 in the red of course.

8) Apple Store Roosevelt Field is back and lemme tell you...ain't a damn thing change. Granted, we moved around the store, but it's the damn damn people, same ol shit. It looks a lot nicer I'll tell you that tho...and I've even gotten to like more of my co-workers. But it's painfully clear who I'll fuck with/talk to, and who I won't...I probably come off more blunt than a Dutchmaster gettin smoked on 4/20 but that's how I should be.

9) Quote of the week belongs to my homegirl Megan:
"I was on my best behavior! I was drunk!"

10) Tax season has come and gone. I'm gettin back $351 wowowow how exciting.

11) How on earth did I forget...Isiah Thomas got fired!!! That made my Thursday fuckin amazing. The only problem is that I came to a realization that it doesn't really matter who the coach of the Knicks is, they are a hard team to coach. They need personnel wise a player who will step up and be a true leader and have some toughness and discipline. That's who the coach has to be as well; and if the players can't buy into it, cut their asses. There's a shitload of talent, but individualistic ones. Isiah's idea of talent really isn't that bad; but you need comradarie...and this team does NOT have it. Want proof? They somehow ended up winning that game tho.

Yeh I know this was a boring ass rant but I've had a boring ass week. Besides, my next entry on Wednesday encompasses everything on how I feel right now anyhow and as usual, bluntness shall ensue. And so on.

The Carribbean Temper- Worst Temper to Fuck With.

Sometimes when I'm in a foul mood (like I have been for a while up until last night), I tend to notice how foul my temper is and can be in comparison to say, someone else who may be Irish, Italian, Spanish, Asian, etc. I mean, certain groups of people (whether ethnic/race-wise or even with personalities) have worse tempers than others. However, being Haitian and living in a predominately Carribbean neighborhood in southeast Queens...I have concluded that having that West Indian temper is the most vicious (and most intimidating) one can possibly have.

There are three kinds of this temper.

The first type is who I call the Hiroshimas. These people get set off so quick you don't even know what hit you nor how to react to which. Jamaicans are notorious for it (through my experience- but it's really in general with all Carribbeans), you can have a normal convo but if it gets to something sensitive and they are easily irritable, watch yourself because once they're set off, there will be damage. For days. If you try to add more fuel to the fire it just makes it worse. Don't bother arguing with them, because not only will we fight until we are right; but they'll take no for an answer and EXPECT you to answer back to them.

That leads me to the 2nd type (which I am) and it's the Hurricane. This is the type who you could piss off, but you will never know it because they'll act as if nothing ever happened...or, when you expect them to blow up, they actually don't. We shut down. However, you know this pent-up rage is building...and building...and building, and when it's set off- forget about it FEMA will not save your ass. At least with the Hiroshimas, the bomb will be set off but the aftermath won't be as bad because it's more constant. With the Hurricanes, no because there's a lot of wrath and anger/frustration that gets unleashed all at once and for me it may be too much to handle. Sometimes I'm even apologetic as to how angry I really got hah- but if you don't know me; I like to hide a lot of shit from within so you don't know what I'm thinking. It may be the reason why my mind goes at 100mph but that's a whole nother story.

Finally, you got the Lumps on the Log. The stubborn ass folk. This is especially true in Haitians because you can clash with one of them but they'll just nod their head and pretend to agree with what you said, or simply dismiss you and just shut their ears off and only pick out parts of the argument that they want to hear and throw it at you. I can be this also; usually a combination of the Hurricane and Lump on the Log. Thing is that when the Lump is right, you'll just get a HAH!; if the Lump is wrong, you'll get an Oh I see. Either way they'll also never admit when they are wrong. It's very effective against a Hiroshima because you'll just irritate the ever living crap out of them because you're not giving into what they're looking for. They may think a Lump is a pussy when in actuality they're being the bigger person (at least in my opinion).

Either way, the intensity of the temper is unparalleled. Carribbeans can be hella nice and friendly. Just do NOT piss us off, as you will regret it. We argue/fight nasty and are about as unpredictable as you can get. I know I am. I can be pissed but you never know it...or I can just explode at any given time and there's no stopping it...it almost turns into a blind rage. Or...I can be stubborn as all fuck and let you believe that you're right until you find out on your own that you're truly...a jackass. Or you may actually be right but took you longer than you thought...because I won't admit it, unless it's blantant of course.

And so on.

The Rah-Rah.

I was gonna wait until tomorrow night, but I couldn't wait that long.

1) I've never been so frustrated; yet I should have known it was coming. People's double-standards are so twisted. You will get pissed at the thought of your daughter dating a black dude...but if he's Spanish there isn't a problem with that. And the thing is, I know it's because that he's more light-skinned, so it's more "acceptable". I'm not faulting the person, shit I mean I wish the best of luck. But still. True, I never met the parents but what/why would that matter? I had a feeling though that parents who have issues with interracial dating only really do with white on black. Right now I'm not enraged, I was laughing a decent portion but man I wanted to clock somebody.

2) So I go to this spot last night (Proof) some 18+ party and I realize exactly why I hate goin to joints like that. You have the dudes who will dance up on the first thing they see (don't necessarily blame them), the girls who "only want to dance with themselves" and will freak out at the first dude's lap that they feel on their ass, then the choosy girls who may not dance with you, but dance with someone else and that gets you heated, the dudes who I call seagulls- the ones who stand around and wait either for "scraps" or to steal a chick off of a dude, and finally the dude that comes in with his girlfriend, lets her go off and dance but at the first sign of issue will hook her back to him like a fishing rod.

3) My apple store was supposed to have re-opened today but unfortunately there has been some delays with that. It is now scheduled to open back up on Tax Day (April 15th). A little frustrating but you can only take that so far. At least they're giving me the opportunity to work in the city in the meantime; which I have absolutely no problem with.

4) Mets in review: Much better week. Took 2 out of 3 from the Phillies and won against the Brewers last night. Finally, the bounces that had been going Philly's way seemed to have gone ours. Wednesday they were the ones committing errors and giving the Mets 2nd and 3rd chances (and the Mets finally capitalized on them) and Thursday although they blew yet another lead, the Mets got a call at the plate that was debatable yet went in their favor so they won. Last night, Nelson Figueroa got his first win in what 3 years? A nice 6 inning, 2 runs, 2 hits performance. Solid considering he's been pitching from the bullpen and has been sporadic. The offense isn't firing on all cylinders yet, but the pitching this week has been pretty good.

5) The Knicks had a 3 game winning streak! Of course, it went down the shitter last night versus the Hawks, but as of late the Knicks have been putting up better fights. Last night they lost 114-106. It's pretty sad when you give a team moral victories but yes the Knicks have been shorthanded for quite a while now. Stephon Marbury and Eddy Curry (not like they are much in the way of help) are injured so a lot of the younger guys have been getting burn; and they play spirited basketball. Definetly not playoff-caliber but it's refreshing to see heart being displayed. Donnie Walsh has A LOT of work in front of him that he needs to do. Although Isiah Thomas should get fired, something tells me it's not gonna happen.

6) This year's NBA playoffs should be the best in recent memory. Granted in the Eastern Conference the top 2 seeds (Boston and Detroit) should slaughter their first round opponents (Atlanta is who Boston will play definetly, the 7 seed hasn't been decided yet though) but besides that, I can see every series going at least 6 games if not the distance. The Western Conference is insane; given how the 8 seed (currently Denver) has 48 wins! And Golden State, who has 47 wins (3 more than what they had last year when they made the playoffs) may miss out completely! The difference in the standings between the 1 seed (currently New Orleans) and Denver at the 8 is 7 games even though there are 3-4 games left on the schedule. If a 7 beats a 2 or something it can't even be viewed as an upset. More playoff analysis when it's about to be time.

I can't even think any more, I'm effin trashed still from last night hah. And so on.

Mike Tyson- Funniest Mofo on the Planet.

With all due respects to comedians such as Chris Rock, DL Hughley, Steve Harvey, Dave Chappelle, Dane Cook (horribly overrated in my opinion) and Carlos Mencia (another overrated dude)...Mike Tyson is the funniest person in the world. The crazy thing is that he doesn't even try to be funny...dude just tends to spit oral diarreaha. While some of the things he says make absolutely no sense, I can relate to some of what he says and to me, he is philosophical. Maybe not on the level of Socrates or Ralph Emerson or those deep thinkers...but who said I am a deep thinker? Watch this video you cunts.

Anyways, here are my favorite Mike Tyson quotes and why (not in any order):

1) I wanna talk nice to you and talk about fornicatin' with you and lettin you suck my dick because if I was eloquent with you you would still look at me like I'm a scumbag.
- Hahaha. Tyson knows the perception about him and it doesn't matter what he says. He could actually carry a normal conversation but at the end of the day the majority would still think he's a scumbag so he doesn't give a fuck either way. It's like if I bought a chick 2 drinks and decided to talk about school vs. not buyin a chick a drink and talkin about her sexual fantasies. Either way it's unlikely I'm gonna take her home so fuck it.

2) I'm a big strong nigger who knocks out people and rapes people and...rips off people...
- Tyson said this quote sarcastically. Once again he's quoting what the general public only views him as. I like how he used the word nigger too hahaha because hell he probably thinks "yeah, typical black thug who only knows how to rape and yada yada yada. Stereotypical." But as he said in the beginning of the video, he is many other things hah. In all fairness though once you do something bad, you have that label forever. Hell, Michael Vick may be "a fast nigger who plays football and kills dogs."

3) I'll fuck you til you love me faggot.
- Hell, that whole press conference was vicious hah. I took this quote though because this exemplifies the ruthlessness that Tyson has. A no-mercy givin, lack of fuck for your well being dude. I love it. In DK context, he'll fuck you til you submit and scream his name and just say you love him so he can leave you alone ahaha. I don't know tho if I have it in me to thrust with furious anger like that though. He said this to a chick so I'm not sure why he called her a faggot though hah.

4) Are you talkin out of turn? I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore...unless you wanna...you know.
- My favorite quote right now. Besides, if you notice the recurring theme, the funniest word he ever says is "fornicate". It's his way of sayin know your role and shut your mouth unless you wanna get down with the Knockout Kid hahah. Also, boxing has always been viewed as an alpha male sport and it has been hard for women (besides Laila Ali) to make any impact on the sport. Shit, besides Tyson just wants to get laid (as my next quote explains). In DK context- if I'm out and about, I don't talk to a chick unless I'm thinkin about there being an opportunity of fornicatin (whether that night or in the near future). And if not, I stop talkin, unless they wanna...you know. The only exception to this rule is if of course my dudes bring chicks and they are their respective gf's then I have respect for that of course.

5) I've sacrificed so much of my life can I at least get laid? I've been robbed of most of my money can I at least get a blowjob?
- Preach brother preach! Tyson has had a lot of shit happen to him, whether it was the death of his beloved trainer Cus D'Amato, other close deaths around him, the Robin Givens marriage, the jail sentence; Tyson's had a hella rough life. Granted he couldn't handle superstardom all too well and his life really began going down the slippery slope once he lost to Buster Douglas but hell athletes do put a lot of time and effort in the craft. All he wants is to get laid or a blowjob. Tyson in his career has made nearly $600 million in revenue but has nothing to show for it. Shit, when I'm in a bad mood all I want to do is get laid or get slurped on. I don't ask for much...and neither is Tyson hah. Just some temporary satisfaction hahaha.

6) I broke my back...my back is broken. Umm..umm spinal. They said your back is broken slightly.
- Arguably the most absurd quote to come out of his mouth. How on earth can you fight with a broken back, much less a spinal injury?? If so, it is the God-given truth that he is not human. And then he said that he couldnt get an injection because they would test for that? Hahah what the fuck? No analysis here I'm just throwin it out there.

7) I went to a strip club, and I gave a dancer a lap dance but uh, that's just what I do, I do what I wanna do.
- The best part about that quote there is that the reporter asked him if he went out on the strip at all and he said that wasn't true...only for him to say this haha. Only Tyson would try and flip the script on shit and give the dancer pleasure for her damn self. Hopefully for his sake he fornicated with her.

8) I'll talk to you the way I wanna talk to you. If you have a problem turn off your station.
- My 2nd favorite quote because it's the realest thing I've ever read. You don't like my style then fuck off go on to the next nigga.

9) Man listen right...I don't know nothin about bein the heavyweight champ, only thing I know is that I know how to fight. I'm a nigga right. I'm not sayin I'm a black person, I'm a street person...I don't even like typical street people but that's just who I became and what happened in my life and the tragedies that life made me that way. I'm just Mike I'm not malevolent or anything...I'ma make sure you talk about me, your great grand-children talk about me and go "you know that was one bizarre individual".
- In essence Tyson's tryin to say that he knew how to fight/defend himself and it just so happens that he got into boxing and became the heavyweight champ at 19. But that was so far in the past that he doesn't care to remember. He says he's a nigga because he knows that he's not a black dude workin in the corporate world, and that black people who chill on the street basically use the word "nigga" to talk about themselves and each other...and that he was the product of his own environment (born in Brooklyn). He just is who he is and it don't matter to him how you remember him by, as long as you remember him.

10) I wish you guys had children so I could kick them in the fuckin head and stomp on their testicles so they could feel the pain I feel everyday.
- Now, that's effin sadistic sure. I'm sure if he kicked their head it would be considered a punt and it would probably fly a good 30 or so yards. But what the man's tryin to say is that his life hasn't been easy and he's gone through a lot of shit. That physical torture he would put on them is the equivalent of the mental and psychological anguish the man has dealt with. Shit if I got into a fight and I had dude on the ground I'd stomp on their testicles. You ain't gonna be fuckin no more ha haaaaah. I'm evil.

And so on.

The Sunday Night Rah-Rah.

This is gonna be where I just spew out the mouth with ten things that are going through my mind every Sunday Night. I may be haphazard and not keep up with a theme but fuck it, I'll blog the way I wanna blog. You have a problem turn off your station.

1) Question: How many people have you slept with? I don't give a fuck how many people you slept with. To me personally, the answer is 1 or 0. Either you have an STD or you don't. If you answered zero then good; now you can tally me up and let's fuck so I can be 1 person you slept with.

2) The Final 4 with all 4 top seeds thus far hasn't been as exciting as anticipated. Memphis-UCLA was primarily controlled by Memphis and though UCLA kept it to within single digits most of the game, you just knew that they weren't gonna catch Memphis. Plus, this dunk
on Kevin Love was game, set, match. Meanwhile, Kansas-North Carolina I was STUNNED how poorly UNC came out the gate and how hot Kansas did. 40-12 Jesus. I did wait for UNC to make their run and they did...even coming to as close as 4. But as soon as Kansas went back to what they were doing (exposing Carolina on the interior), it was a Reynolds Wrap. Make me a sammich.

3) You ever notice that the word Fuck is just so pronounced and has a bite to it? I love it. Telling someone to fuck off or to shut the fuck up rather than "get lost" or simply "shut up" just has that umph. Fuck is my favorite word. "I fucked that bitch" instead of "I sexed that bitch." Which one is better? If you're under 17 and reading this, who gives a shit because if you're on Myspace you're probably fuckin anyway. And special shoutout to my boy Mook who found this video to prove me right.

4) Keepin it real is golden. I love my new attitude change.

5) This whole unisex fashion shit is really beginning to unnerve me. Dudes dressing like a cross between "emo" and tightass skateboarder? In the hood? Rockin Barney Purple, Barbie Pink and Big Bird Yellow? HELP!

6) So I return to work Thursday afternoon. I'm gonna be very curious to see how many people actually return to work considering how they jerked us (part-timers)...and especially Saturday morning when we reopen. If I had another job in place I'd be gone faster than Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown on a coke trip.

7) Bet of the week that went totally wrong: Dallas @ Phoenix (under 108.5 first half). Total first half points- 109. Loss- $5 but still ya know, that's just disrespectful hah.

8) What I think of the Mets in week 1: Johan Santana is the shit, Pedro's injury as long as he comes back relatively quickly shouldn't be too bad, our offense is alright but working itself out...gotta have the bottom half of our lineup produce as well as the middle is so far, Jose Reyes I think is still getting his feet wet but he'll be stealin like crazy soon, bullpen is alright. Can't get too jacked up or down because after 5 games you're 2-3.

9) Prediction of the National Championship game: Memphis 81 Kansas 78.

10) I was listenin to the radio and sex therapists say that the average amount of time people (primarily couples) spend in the actual act of fuckin is between 3 and 13 minutes. Well shit, sounds eXXXcellent to me. I'll work on gettin to 7 minutes, that's my goal; 7-11. 7 minutes thrustin, 11 minutes skull-fuckin. Who knows. It's about quality of time spent, not quantity anyway. After like 4-5 min don't you get bored of just thrustin anyway shit? Ask yourself this: u gettin yours? She gettin hers? If the answer is yes to both then fuck off.

And so on.

Betting on Sports.

Everyone has their vices. Gettin bent, gettin high, yada yada yada. In those cases true there are some positives (ie- lowered inhibitions= easier to fuck) but they do have their long term negativity.

Ever since Apple fucked me over a few weeks ago, I've been trying to figure out a get rich quick scheme. I thought the answer: betting on sports. I figure I know quite a bit about that shit and hey, to put down a little to gain a decent amount I don't have much to lose. Well...that's where Vegas gets you. The oddsmakers (the ones who decide how much a certain team is favored by and how many points will be scored between the two- more on that in a second) are really good at that shit and some bets that look easy as all hell on paper really are not. I have made countless bets that to me appeared pure genius, only for them to get fucked up...but it's not like I made a terrible bet- but you miss out by like say a point or two. The more money you put in, the more stressful it becomes. What gets a lot of people is that sure you can lose a lot but with one or two bets, you can gain whatever you lost back and then some. If I can lose weight as quickly as I've lost $600+ (which honestly I could be using for something else) then it'd be all good but it def ain't.

How it works (in case you don't know) is this. Each game has three different ways you can bet on it: a money line, point spread, or over/under. With the money line, you're taking the team to win straight up; it doesn't matter if they win by 1 or 37. For example, if in basketball Milwaukee faced Washington and they were a 11 point underdog; usually the money line will be +500 for Milwaukee; -700 for Washington. This means for every $100 you put in you win back $500 if you pick Milwaukee whereas for every $100 you put on Washington you win back $30. The point spread is a reflection of how the money line will work...the higher the point spread the bigger the money line. However some of the spreads are so big they don't warrant a money line because it's almost guaranteeing a victory for the favorite; hence not even worth making the bet/just in case somehow the underdog wins you can't make serious bank hah. The over/under is the total amount of goals, runs or points the two combined teams will combine for. For example, in baseball the Mets and Braves o/u is 8.5. If you pick the under, they have to combine for 8 or less runs; the over then 9 or more runs.

Now, if you push (which means tie)- you get your money back if it's a straight wager; if it's a parlay (I'll explain that in a sec) then it gets bumped down to the next highest paying one.

What's usually taken into account when making the odds: a whole lot of crap. For example, in baseball it can be the pitching matchups, how good the teams are, their offenses, recent history vs each other, and so on. These fuckers have it broken down to a science that can frustrate the ever living shit out of you and sometimes make you overthink...although you definetly cannot just hop on a bet. I'll show you some examples of which.

Now a straight wager is straightforward. You win, you get paid, you lose you lose the guap. In a point spread situation, if you pick a team that's favored by 5 (-5) and as long as they win by more than 5, then you're good. If you pick a 13 point underdog (+13), as long as they don't lose by more than 13, it's all good. On some sites, you can even "buy points" which fluctuates the point spread more in your favor; the drawback to that is since you're doing so the money you win back will be less. So for example if you see a team who's favored by 6.5 (-6.5; -110). You can buy that half point just in case you're scared they'll only win by 6 or so (-6; -120). You won't win as much (ie- if you put $100 on the -6.5 you'd win back $90; but on the -6 you'd only win back $85) but especially when it's half-points, it's definetly worth the risk of at least pushing.

Parlays are a pain in the ass. That's when you pick on a collection of games (at least 2; up to 10 or 12 games depending on what website). Now, you can win more money by putting down less; however ALL of your games must hit, if you even lose one bet then your whole bet fails. This is where Vegas gets you the most; and this is the stem of my frustration. The money odds are great (ie- if you do a 5 team parlay and hit it, the payout is like 25-1) but usually you'll wind up gettin pissed bc one team failed for you. Lemme show you an example of two parlays I fucked up on:

Parlay / C9F3F... 2008-03-28 11:46 $5.00 $462.12 $0.00 Loss
NCAA Basketball/G- (Stanford vs. Texas) Texas Point Spread -1.5 (-110) 2008-03-28 19:30 Win
NCAA Basketball/G- Stanford vs. Texas Over 134 (-110) 2008-03-28 19:30 Win
NBA/G- Chicago @ Atlanta Over 207 (-110) 2008-03-28 19:40 Win
NBA/G- New Jersey @ Indiana Over 216 (-110) 2008-03-28 19:10 Win
NCAA Basketball/G- (Davidson vs. Wisconsin) Wisconsin Point Spread -4.5 (-110) 2008-03-28 19:15 Loss
NCAA Basketball/G- Davidson vs. Wisconsin Over 126.5 (-110) 2008-03-28 19:15 Win
NCAA Basketball/G- Michigan St-Memphis Over 135 (-110) 2008-03-28 22:05 Win

Parlay / 5D71D... 2008-03-28 16:41 $11.00 $532.54 $0.00 Loss
NCAA Basketball/1H- Stanford vs. Texas Over 62 (-110) 2008-03-28 19:30 Win
NCAA Basketball/1H- Davidson vs. Wisconsin Over 59 (-110) 2008-03-28 19:15 Win
NBA/1H- New Jersey @ Indiana Over 104.5 (-110) 2008-03-28 19:10 Win
NBA/1H- Orlando @ Milwaukee Over 105 (-110) 2008-03-28 20:40 Loss
NBA/1H- Chicago @ Atlanta Over 103 (-110) 2008-03-28 19:40 Pushed
NBA/1H- New Orleans @ Boston Over 98 (-110) 2008-03-28 19:40 Win

Notice the first was a 7 team parlay (about 85-1 odds) and the 2nd was a 6 team parlay (around 45-1 odds). Even with only putting in $5 or $11 with the odds being as significant as they were it doesn't hurt to try. Notice I hit 6 of the games in the first one; unfortunately Wisconsin didn't cover (they lost) so it ruined everything. In the 2nd one I hit 4, tied on one (which is why it became a 5-teamer) and lost the other (by 3 points ultimately). You say to yourself "Fuck, I should've just done the other games straight up." I have hit parlays before though, and it's a great feeling when you do. However, the gambling gods have a way of fuckin with your head. The more money I seem to put in or more teams I put in the worse I do. Or it'll work out like if you'll always miss one game irregardless of your geniusness. Yet, I've had situations in which I put $5 on a two-team parlay (13-5 odds) or three-team (6-1) and win a whopping $13 or $30. It angers me.

Is it hard to stop? It definetly is. Although I have began to control myself more so now that I'm getting my job back and realizing (too late) that I'm just wasting my money on bullshit...there's no doubt that I'd keep on placing that bet and hoping, just hoping that that one big business bet hits...and just like that my losses are erased.

And so on.