With all due respects to comedians such as Chris Rock, DL Hughley, Steve Harvey, Dave Chappelle, Dane Cook (horribly overrated in my opinion) and Carlos Mencia (another overrated dude)...Mike Tyson is the funniest person in the world. The crazy thing is that he doesn't even try to be funny...dude just tends to spit oral diarreaha. While some of the things he says make absolutely no sense, I can relate to some of what he says and to me, he is philosophical. Maybe not on the level of Socrates or Ralph Emerson or those deep thinkers...but who said I am a deep thinker? Watch this video you cunts.
Anyways, here are my favorite Mike Tyson quotes and why (not in any order):
1) I wanna talk nice to you and talk about fornicatin' with you and lettin you suck my dick because if I was eloquent with you you would still look at me like I'm a scumbag.
- Hahaha. Tyson knows the perception about him and it doesn't matter what he says. He could actually carry a normal conversation but at the end of the day the majority would still think he's a scumbag so he doesn't give a fuck either way. It's like if I bought a chick 2 drinks and decided to talk about school vs. not buyin a chick a drink and talkin about her sexual fantasies. Either way it's unlikely I'm gonna take her home so fuck it.
2) I'm a big strong nigger who knocks out people and rapes people and...rips off people...
- Tyson said this quote sarcastically. Once again he's quoting what the general public only views him as. I like how he used the word nigger too hahaha because hell he probably thinks "yeah, typical black thug who only knows how to rape and yada yada yada. Stereotypical." But as he said in the beginning of the video, he is many other things hah. In all fairness though once you do something bad, you have that label forever. Hell, Michael Vick may be "a fast nigger who plays football and kills dogs."
3) I'll fuck you til you love me faggot.
- Hell, that whole press conference was vicious hah. I took this quote though because this exemplifies the ruthlessness that Tyson has. A no-mercy givin, lack of fuck for your well being dude. I love it. In DK context, he'll fuck you til you submit and scream his name and just say you love him so he can leave you alone ahaha. I don't know tho if I have it in me to thrust with furious anger like that though. He said this to a chick so I'm not sure why he called her a faggot though hah.
4) Are you talkin out of turn? I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore...unless you wanna...you know.
- My favorite quote right now. Besides, if you notice the recurring theme, the funniest word he ever says is "fornicate". It's his way of sayin know your role and shut your mouth unless you wanna get down with the Knockout Kid hahah. Also, boxing has always been viewed as an alpha male sport and it has been hard for women (besides Laila Ali) to make any impact on the sport. Shit, besides Tyson just wants to get laid (as my next quote explains). In DK context- if I'm out and about, I don't talk to a chick unless I'm thinkin about there being an opportunity of fornicatin (whether that night or in the near future). And if not, I stop talkin, unless they wanna...you know. The only exception to this rule is if of course my dudes bring chicks and they are their respective gf's then I have respect for that of course.
5) I've sacrificed so much of my life can I at least get laid? I've been robbed of most of my money can I at least get a blowjob?
- Preach brother preach! Tyson has had a lot of shit happen to him, whether it was the death of his beloved trainer Cus D'Amato, other close deaths around him, the Robin Givens marriage, the jail sentence; Tyson's had a hella rough life. Granted he couldn't handle superstardom all too well and his life really began going down the slippery slope once he lost to Buster Douglas but hell athletes do put a lot of time and effort in the craft. All he wants is to get laid or a blowjob. Tyson in his career has made nearly $600 million in revenue but has nothing to show for it. Shit, when I'm in a bad mood all I want to do is get laid or get slurped on. I don't ask for much...and neither is Tyson hah. Just some temporary satisfaction hahaha.
6) I broke my back...my back is broken. Umm..umm spinal. They said your back is broken slightly.
- Arguably the most absurd quote to come out of his mouth. How on earth can you fight with a broken back, much less a spinal injury?? If so, it is the God-given truth that he is not human. And then he said that he couldnt get an injection because they would test for that? Hahah what the fuck? No analysis here I'm just throwin it out there.
7) I went to a strip club, and I gave a dancer a lap dance but uh, that's just what I do, I do what I wanna do.
- The best part about that quote there is that the reporter asked him if he went out on the strip at all and he said that wasn't true...only for him to say this haha. Only Tyson would try and flip the script on shit and give the dancer pleasure for her damn self. Hopefully for his sake he fornicated with her.
8) I'll talk to you the way I wanna talk to you. If you have a problem turn off your station.
- My 2nd favorite quote because it's the realest thing I've ever read. You don't like my style then fuck off go on to the next nigga.
9) Man listen right...I don't know nothin about bein the heavyweight champ, only thing I know is that I know how to fight. I'm a nigga right. I'm not sayin I'm a black person, I'm a street person...I don't even like typical street people but that's just who I became and what happened in my life and the tragedies that life made me that way. I'm just Mike I'm not malevolent or anything...I'ma make sure you talk about me, your great grand-children talk about me and go "you know that was one bizarre individual".
- In essence Tyson's tryin to say that he knew how to fight/defend himself and it just so happens that he got into boxing and became the heavyweight champ at 19. But that was so far in the past that he doesn't care to remember. He says he's a nigga because he knows that he's not a black dude workin in the corporate world, and that black people who chill on the street basically use the word "nigga" to talk about themselves and each other...and that he was the product of his own environment (born in Brooklyn). He just is who he is and it don't matter to him how you remember him by, as long as you remember him.
10) I wish you guys had children so I could kick them in the fuckin head and stomp on their testicles so they could feel the pain I feel everyday.
- Now, that's effin sadistic sure. I'm sure if he kicked their head it would be considered a punt and it would probably fly a good 30 or so yards. But what the man's tryin to say is that his life hasn't been easy and he's gone through a lot of shit. That physical torture he would put on them is the equivalent of the mental and psychological anguish the man has dealt with. Shit if I got into a fight and I had dude on the ground I'd stomp on their testicles. You ain't gonna be fuckin no more ha haaaaah. I'm evil.
And so on.
Battle at Bristol Observation
7 years ago
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