The Epiphany Symphony (aka Rah-Rah).

Bah I'm bored. Yeah it's been a while but sometimes that writer's block gets the best of you. Also procrastination.

1) So me and my co-workers began our biggest loser competition to see who can lose 10% of their body weight the quickest. I weigh the most so you'd think I have to the favorite here because bigga nigga figgas like myself burn fat the quickest. I came in at 252, I don't exactly remember how much the other three weighed in but it was between 195-210 or some shit. My strategy: runnin, runnin, runnin. Though sooner or later I'm gonna have to incorporate some liftin, ballin before I get bored. This Nevadas thing might work against me tho damn TNTs. At least I don't drink beer or that'd be the end of me. I feel like I can win. Either way though my goal is to eventually be 200 and I have lost 7 pounds already so I'm at 245. I need to be at 227 to win.

*Disclaimer: Don't be fooled by the number I hold my weight well. I may shake rattle and roll on occasion but it's not that sloppy fish gaspin for air type thing. Then again that may be the reason why DK can't handle chicks that weigh less than 130 or some shit.

2) Some random things that have happened at Nevadas recently:

a) Some dude holds the door open for me which I appreciate and then I tell my boy Lee (who's Italian) to "do his job" aka hail a cab because they're not gonna slow down for me nor Jamal I already know this. The dude thinks I'm talkin about him and begins to bitch about "don't tell me this is my job the fuck is your problem". Dude. Slow your role. You first copy my style by rockin arguably my favorite shirt of all time (but he had it in green) and then seein how I'm not lookin at your direction think that I'm talkin to you? Clownass nigga.

b) Some chick who quite frankly I didn't think would bust out these moves and is wearin a leopard print dress (she was tan as all hell so it kinda worked well on her) was outside of Nevadas trashed I'm sure with some narly dude mohawk-haired guy and mockingly I go to her saying "yeah Long Island wooo". Now I don't know the truth to all of this but according to my boy he said she called me a nigger. Now if she did that further proves my point that most LI'ers are ignorant bigots.

c) How do you boo someone singing Karaoke? Especially given some of the trash song selection people have yet they get props? My boy Jamal decides to sing some Kanye West and a song like that always gets the people goin but when he stumbled on the words he begins...to get booed? Most people (as they should when bent) don't even know the words and just start dancing yet everyone is like yayyy (likely because it's Journey- I HATE that song). To save his soul I came in and helped him out with the rest of the song which earned him applause afterwards.

d) Attention-grabbing whores are the worst. You wanna go start screaming and then shaking your shoulders, I mean, ass and going woo to each other dancing in your retarded circle. Then if you see a DK imposed figure come to you and try to start dancing you get freaked out that how BET portrays black people is gonna be true and daddy wouldn't like that. I would drink Muscle Milk but apparently that shrinks your cock. So does HGH. Protein I don't think so, Powerbars I wouldn't be surprised. Fist-pump time.

3) I've always bashed the Ronkonkoma train for being full of retards. I dub it the Ron-kick-rocks-oma train. However when I had to take the Port Washington train because the LIRR schedule fucked me over; I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was on a one-way ticket to My New Haircut headquarters.

4) Mets fire Willie Randolph. Am I happy? Yes. Am I happy with the way management handled things? Not at all. Has this been discussed many a time in NY? Yes so I'm not gonna get into it too much. All I know is that the players have been underachieving big-time and a change was necessary.

5) I believe in Gambling Gods. And they are pure evil. What happened to me last night was absolutely cruel and crass. Check this out:

$10 to win $26 on 2-teamer:
SF-KC over 8.5
Sea-Atl under 8.5

$20 to win $24 on Boston -1.5

$30 to win $48 on Atlanta -1.5

Boston is the best home team in the Majors at 28-7 (at the time) and just own the NL in interleague play. Cardinals just got swept by the Royals of all teams. Easy money right?

Meanwhile, Atlanta had a 25-10 record at home, facing the worst team in baseball who just fired their manager. No problem right?

Except for that St. Louis and Seattle both win?!?! I KNOW for a damn fact if I don't put money on either game those outcomes would have happened. And just to add insult to injury- Seattle-Atlanta was 4-1 in the top of the 8th and with the gods sensing that I wasn't too overly concerned because I had the under of that game too...decide to give Seattle an offense all of a sudden to fuck me over. You can't be serious.

6) I feel ridiculously lazy at work these days. I go in and I try to avoid talking to customers almost because I get so incredibly bored talking about computers and iPods and I'd rather be working at the cash register because there at least I can just scan and make these fools bounce. Sure I would love to show these people the computer but I don't have the patience and besides most of the time I help out college students anyway who already know what the deal is so that makes my life a heckuva lot easier. There are times I won't lie that I wish that either:
a) I was still in college/about to head to college
b) I went to school away.

7) Now bumpin: Lovin' It by Little Brother. I fuckin love this beat.

8) DK Playbook move of the week: The Manu Ginobili Wild Drive. For you people who don't know who Manu is, he's a basketball player who plays for the San Antonio Spurs who when he drives down the lane goes in with reckless abandon and throws in some crazy ass shot that manages to get in most of the time. Anyway, this move is done when there's a cluster of girls and you just break through the cluster somehow. Your goal is to draw a foul (in other words find someway to get attention to you). A good way of sliding in is if you see chicks takin pictures of each other you can ask if they don't mind all of them takin a group photo. That can if you don't have the itis to start a discussion and perliforate yourself. A side-effect of this is if you remain solo the chicks probably think you have no friends or that your friends are pussies because they're standing back watching it unfold and not talkin to them- maybe even thinking that they dared you to do it...which is no fun.

9) Next entry I am gonna begin my best-of-seven New Jersey vs. Long Island ladies series. I've been promising this for a while but I've been doing my research still and all that jazz and Game One will commence. I feel like it's gonna be a close battle because though they have their similarities (a lot), there are suttle differences in them. Game One is gonna be about looks so we'll see who comes out on top...and I'll tell you, it's a TOUGH one.

*Disclaimer: If anyone wants to help me out (dudes or ladies) feel free to add your 2 cents in and potentially help out your cause.

10) Celtics win. Fuck them, but glad for Kevin Garnett for sure.

And so on.