Change of Heart.

Sometimes in life, you gotta endure changes that you don't want to make, but for your own good you have to. Certain things in life that you have to accept, no matter how much it makes you cringe- you'll inevitably get over it. You're happy and selfless one minute, the next, you're cold-blooded and selfish. Right now, I'm the latter.

This is how I roll in certain scenarios:
Good DK- Yeahhh go for the gold!
Evil DK- I hope you trip and break your clavicle.

Good DK- Way to do it good work out there! (butt-slap if she's a girl maybe)
Evil DK- Want a fortune cookie? I'll make sure to get the ones with the lucky numbers in it...

Good DK- Damn man I'm sorry. I got you tho.
Evil DK- Yeah and what now? Misery needs company bitch.

Good DK- Laughs with your jokes and is merry.
Evil DK- Tells you to fuck off and only laughs at things like this youtube clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=eKlmviAqMOc&feature=related

Good DK- Will take you to a comedy club, a hookah bar, Ripley's Believe it or Not.
Evil DK- Will only want to be a man-slut, make you lick the wrapper, and play hot potato.

Good DK- Will look into your eyes and tell you how much you mean (the world).
Evil DK- Will look into your eyes and tell you how much you mean (like a cockaroach in his old Crown Heights apartment).

Good DK- Will get you into the game like Chris Paul and dish out hella assists.
Evil DK- Will jack up more shots than Jamal Crawford at a Rucker Park game.

Good DK- Listens to your stories, nods his head and if he has to be Dr. PhilNegro then will do so.
Evil DK- Could give 2 shits and will Simon your shit out and put you on an American Idol rejects DVD.

Good DK- Wants to get to know your personality.
Evil DK- Wants to get to know your physicality.

And lastly
Good DK- Has as good of a response time as post-911
Evil DK- Has as good of a response time as FEMA.

And so on.

The Art of Kok Blok Dojo.

If there's one thing that I can't stand with a passion, it's cockblockin. When you go out, whether its to a club, bar or wherever the fuck you go...course there's gonna be girls, there may be liquor and so on. You actually decide to man up and go find a chick (or even a group of chicks) to talk to. Whether you're spittin game or actually just havin a normal conversation is irrelevant. Things are goin good until one of these 2 happens:

1) Hey girl, we gotta get moving.
2) The Jock Block (dude tries to come in and ruin your shit).

As far as with the girl cockblock is concerned...she'll claim that she's doing it for the greater good. "Gotta watch my girls..." In other words, she just mad that she ain't gettin attention. Now if the original girl you're talkin to is givin you signals/vibes that she ain't diggin you, then that's perfectly fine. But don't playa hate, congratulate, and the next dude will eventually come on down and be the next contestant of the Price is Right. A way to try and combat this maneuver is to introduce yourself to the cockblock herself and if you can ease her mind to where she won't cockblock, then you have a much better shot. And you know what, not everyyyy dude is tryin to hit it and quit it on the first night. So you can either comprehend it, or compliment it...cause it's all authentic son.

Another thing I can't stand with a passion is when you simply tryin to dance with a girl and her friends give you this cock-eyed look like oh no what the hell this dude doin. I guess I understand where they come from bc the standard has been set by dudes over 35 who really should be married but are still clubbin (forgettin they're not 23 anymore) and by dudes shorter than 5'2 tryin to cop a feel on a 5'7 girl. But not every dude is tryin to cop a feel...we just tryin to have a good time...and at a club, I could care less about takin one of them home, much less even tryin to get into a relationship with one because honestly...how many successful relationships began by meetin someone at the club hah? That's why I like Carribean parties, bc girls allow dudes the opportunity to dance up on em. I feel like most other girls in that category are too insecure/picky. Sidenote: biggest bullshit quote ever: "I'm only a good dancer when drunk." Translation: "You couldn't dance for shit if we gave you an ass-transplant and a very deep tan. You're genetically incapable."

The Jock Block may agitate me more. Can't you see that they're other girls that need attention too, yet you decide to come and try runnin your mouth in my zone? Not now chief. It's frustratin (especially Long Island style) when it seems like you may get somewhere and then a dude comes in that the chick knows (acquaintance or whatever the fuck) and then she totally forgets about you and goes "OHHH MY GAWD WASSUPPPP?!?!?!" Game over, insert coins to continue. The other day I had an instance on the Long Island Railroad where I'm innocently talkin to these five ladies that were on there (I was sittin behind them) and all of a sudden some random 40 year old virgin (well...who knows) decides to just park his ass right in-between the five of them. The girls basically stop talkin and pretend to go to sleep, killin my game and further increasing my frustration. To top it all off, he gets off at my stop, leaving me no time to do my thing. I get a "it was nice meeting you" but that's no consolation; I didn't even get to introduce myself! Hah.

How to combat the jock block? Really there's not much you can do about it if she's a friend of the dude, or if you were in my position. Because if I continued talkin to them then he might chime in, and the ladies wouldn't have been down with that. If it's another dude tryin to steal your shine, you're gonna have to play defense. Since I have niggeritis, it may be more difficult for me to, but at the same time, I let her decide her move in that instance...if she's diggin me to that point then she'll know what's good for her good.

And so on.

March Madness Round 1 Picks.

I interrupt my typical philosophies for some sports shit.

I love this time of year, when the brackets come out and you're obsessin over who's gonna win the NC. You put money in and all that next level crap and cheer for teams you never would otherwise. Anyways now that the play in game is over...I'm gonna go with my first round and if I feel like it, a brief explanation why. For the 1 vs. 16 games I'm gonna tell you whether the 16 seed will cover their point spread hah.

East:
#1 North Carolina vs. #16 Mount St. Mary's: North Carolina will destroy them. Teams who play in the play-in game do so for a reason.
#8 Indiana vs. #9 Arkansas: Indiana is too talented of a team to a) be an 8 seed and b) lose this game.

#5 Notre Dame vs. #12 George Mason: Everyone's favorite Cinderella is back. And they will win primarily bc I have a hunch and ND has a tendency to choke in the first round (especially Luke Harodargy).
#4 Washington State vs. #13 Winthrop: Wazzu wins this one though it'll be in the single digits I feel like.

#6 Oklahoma vs. #11 St. Joseph's: I don't understand why Oklahoma is seeded so high; St. Joe's will take care of business as they have been the last few games.
#3 Louisville vs. #14 Boise State: Boise will keep it close in the first half and then Louisville will blow this wide open in the 2nd half.

#7 Butler vs. #10 South Alabama: This is a dangerous game for Butler, played in USA's home state and USA has proven they can take out quality opponents. But so can Butler, and they are a proven bunch.
#2 Tennessee vs. #15 American: Tennessee will run American right out of the building. Next.

Midwest:
#1 Kansas vs. #16 Portland State: Kansas annihalates Portland State by 45.
#8 UNLV vs. #9 Kent State: Kent State's gonna win this ish.

#5 Clemson vs. #12 Villanova: Though Nova is scrappy, they have trouble with athletic teams and Clemson is that team.
#4 Vanderbilt vs. #13 Siena: You'd think Vandy easy...but Vandy struggles outside their arena and don't sleep on Siena. Siena's gonna win this and then I'll laugh at all yall.

#6 USC vs. #11 Kansas State: Yes, the OJ Mayo-Michael Beasley show. Problem for K-State is, USC has more weapons than they do. USC wins.
#3 Wisconsin vs. #14 Cal State Fullerton: Wisconsin's defense is sickwidit. CSF will find out the hard way.

#7 Gonzaga vs. #10 Davidson: Davidson has the longest winning streak in the nation and has kept it uber close with UNC, Duke and UCLA this year (even being up 18 to UCLA in the 2nd half of one game). They'll pull this shit out.
#2 Georgetown vs. #15 Maryland Baltimore-County: Georgetown is too big for UMBC.

South:
#1 Memphis vs. #16 Texas-Arlington: Many people think this will be the closest a 16 will get in terms of deficit to a 1 and they're probably right. Because Memphis will treat them like a C-USA opponent and be up 55-19 at halftime before getting really bored.
#8 Mississippi State vs. #9 Oregon: Oregon doesn't even belong in the tournament in my opinion and MSU will show us why. Vorando will have 7 blocks.

#5 Michigan State vs. #12 Temple: Michigan State is definetly the better team and I'm gonna pick them here. But they scare me because either they'll be damn good (beat Texas, destroy Indiana) or lay a huge egg (lose to Iowa and Penn State- 2 teams who ain't even in the NIT).
#4 Pittsburgh vs. #13 Oral Roberts: Pitt's too tenacious to lose this game.

#6 Marquette vs. #11 Kentucky: Kentucky played well down the stretch to somehow get in (likely because of team prestige and a 12-4 conference record) and you know what, this game is gonna be tough. Marquette's guards are much superior, but Kentucky is bigger. I think Marquette's guards will win out tho.
#3 Stanford vs. #14 Cornell: Stanford will perform a dissection Tiger Woods would be proud of.

#7 Miami (FL) vs. #10 St. Mary's: Though I have a special place in my heart for the U, St. Mary's is def. the better team here.
#2 Texas vs. #15 Austin Peay: Texas will run and shoot Austin Peay to oblivion.

West:
#1 UCLA vs. #16 Mississippi Valley State: All I'm gonna say here is the last Pac-10 team Miss Valley State played, it was this year and they lost 72-27 to Wazzu. Wazzu ain't on UCLA's level.
#8 BYU vs. #9 Texas A&M: Texas A&M is a solid group, granted they are a shell of their Sweet 16 selves but they should win over a game BYU squad.

#5 Drake vs. #12 Western Kentucky: Ya know what, I feel like both of these teams match up against each other really well. Drake is the better team, but something tells me WKU will win and I'm gonna go with my gut.
#4 UConn vs. #13 San Diego: This game scares the bejesus out of me (you'll find out why soon), I watched San Diego play in the West Coast Conference tournament and they are scrappy as fuck and play some lockdown defense. Brandon Johnson is a problem at the PG position. But with that said, UConn will not underestimate this group (who btw won AT Kentucky earlier this year).

#6 Purdue vs. #11 Baylor: Purdue is a very young team and I feel like their nerves (coupled with how they've faltered down the stretch) will catch up to them here. Baylor didn't finish any better (loss to Colorado in the Big 12 tourney almost cost them) but they are the feel-good story and they'll pull this game out.
#3 Xavier vs. #14 Georgia: Sure, Georgia's story is great (they won 4 conference games all year...only to somehow win the SEC tournament by playing 4 games in 3 days)...but this game will demonstrate why Georgia was only a 13-16 team before the tournament. Xavier will eat them alive.

#7 West Virginia vs. #10 Arizona: Arizona is the more talented team (as it usually is), while West Virginia is the more fundamentally sound team in my eyes. BUT, I just like Zona to win a close game.
#2 Duke vs. #15 Belmont: I don't think Duke will win this running away. Duke's been playing pretty shittily the past few weeks and Belmont's been down this path before. Duke ain't winnin this by 20...unless they rain 3s for days.

And so on.

Whoremonal Rage.

I was thinkin about this the other day and I'm like, ya kno what...everybody just loves to fuck don't they? And the labels that we put on chicks can be a little unfair, I mean not every girl who makes out more than Amy Winehouse's refusing to go to rehab I can call a slut, whore or skank. Those people just happened to be hormonally charged; so therefore I came up that they (or anyone else for that matter who just loves playin the "spread offense") have Whoremonal Rage.

While myself personally I go for the gold rather than a buncha tin cans in the shed, some people seem to be intent on chasin Wilt Chamberlain's record. For those who may not know him, this former NBA star claims to have slept with 10,000 chicks but anyway. I look at it like this: not everyone is content with self-gratification (I mean you gotta do what you gotta do but it's always nice for a partner to cum (I guess) help you). The Whoremones build up and if you need to grab somethin, take that shit. There's two types of Whoremonal Rage; the first being the monogomous type. If you're lucky to have one of these women, you're pretty much set for life...just so long as you are as reliable as UPS with your shit. They can think with their head, which is excellent and likely they can please your own head too. The second type being the No Rules Apply type which can be dangerous...they don't make free NYC condoms for nothin (tho I'll be the first to admit they are small as shit and STD's are just as free so I'd suggest payin for a Trojan on some real shit). Just pray that you don't get into a relationship with this type, they give and they go but I ain't gonna call her a hoe unless she does have an STD. Then yes, she's a slut, whore, skank whatever.

Don't get it twisted, a chick can dress "slutty" or in a "whoreish" manner but hey, we live in a society that begs for attention. Looks can always be deceiving, just because it appears they have a "Fuck Me, If The Wind Blows You Can See My Thong" sign on them don't mean they have Whoremonal Rage. This rage is the cause (in my opinion) of many divorces happenin; because people swear that they're one and done but then either an old flame will reappear or someone who's better lookin than you or has the potential to pipe out better than you will appear and then they'll be Victoria's next Secret. I ain't gettin married til I'm 30 then hah...BUT apparently in women their peak of sexuality is 27-35. Yikes. I guess then I'll have to get some practices and scrimmages in until gametime.

And so on.

Job Bullshit.

You'd think that the workplace is the place to go if you seek professionalism. I call bullshit though, and here's why:

Any time after an interview, the mothafuckas will say "Thanks for comin, blah blah blah we'll let you know whats good in a week or so..." Yano what, it'd be all good if I at least heard back from yall as opposed to me getting no response. I mean, if you're gonna tell me that I didn't get the internship or the job, at least have the balls to tell me. The same way yall decided to interview me or fire people, etc should be the same way yall just say "Sorry you weren't accepted." Don't be such bitches; I understand people only want to hear what they wanna hear, but I ain't gonna complain if you take 10 seconds and not sugarcoat somethin and give me reasons as to why I ain't get the job and perhaps even give me feedback on what to do in future interviews. I shouldn't be the one callin and figuring out for myself whether I got the damn position or not. Obviously if I didn't get the call back then I didn't get it but it'd be nice to tell me as opposed to me twiddlin my thumbs waitin to see if the Tampa Bay Rays will win a World Series or some shit.

At one of my jobs (Adidas), I get an email discussing a full-time opp to work as an IN-Marketing Manager. After reading the job description, I thought it was a perfect fit for me especially given I've worked with the fucks for 2 1/2 years in particular with that department. I tell them that I'm fully interested (as the email stated- and if you expressed interest they'll grant you an interview). Time passes and I don't get any emails back. A couple weeks later I get another one discussing a part-time merchandising job, which I reply back to and mentioned "what happened to the full-time job". The woman replies "Oh, it's already been filled..." Are you fuckin serious??
Thanks for the headsup, I mean damn that's like fuckin a chick and then the chick comes back 3 months later and says "Yeah and I'm pregnant by the way." Motha cluckas.

The worst though that I've dealt with is with my current employer Apple. Since my particular store is closin for a month to do a remodel everybody (part-time and full-time) got an email discussin where/what you gonna do durin the remodel whether you wanna get transferred or take time off whatever the hell. Everyone fills that shit out. All of a damn sudden, it's 2 weeks before the remodel and then all the part-timers get an email sayin "Oh I'm sorry yall ain't workin anywhere we'll keep you updated tho..." What the bloodclot?! In essence yall tellin us yeh you got 2 weeks to find somethin to do or else jerk off to some more Courtney Cox vibrator scenes in your spare time while not gettin paid (btw here's one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R0Svd4Nnps). Then you get the same "oh I feel your pain" bullshit oozin from management. No you really don't understand bc yall are full-time and still gonna have employment meanwhile peeps (some of which have to pay rent and rely on this job as their steady source of income) are out in the cold. Don't go ahead with shit and then basically throw a Johan Santana slider at us. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of the part-timers quit because of this (I won't but my time is short).

Terrell Owens will be the first to tell you "If you guys do that man that's unfair." I couldn't agree with him more. It is what it is, but it shouldn't be that way. You wanna control your employees, you wanna call all the shots, yet when it comes to simple bullshit such as yes or no when it comes to a hiring you can't even take the time out to keep it real in that aspect. Personally jobs should be obligated to do this kinda shit- again, I'd rather be told I failed as opposed to me meanderin around like a mothafucka on Survivor lookin for some cooked fish. My personal quote I just made up right now off the ass: If you get people listenin to your shit and disagreein, that's better than not gettin any response at all and listenin to the sweet sound of the crickets chirpin.

And so on.