DK's Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 3/19/10).

Cabbie appreciation weekend seems to be rollin along quite nicely. I'm not sure what the deal is. I don't know if it's because I have an American accent, I drive calmly, if it's the nice weather or some type of combination...but people continue to tip very well. Do they secretly read my blog? Who knows, but you won't find me complaining aside from a few missteps.

To start my shift I'm at the JFK lot listenin to the conclusion of the Wofford-Wisconsin game when this Haitian dude in the next parking lane gets out and is talkin to some dude. He turns his back to him (but is facing my direction) and seemingly on cue with me facing his direction for a split second...whips his dick out & starts pissin right next to his cab. You THAT lazy to walk to the bathroom?? I know it's filthy but come the fuck on ha. Hopefully he didn't shake hands with his boy afterwards either. I could care less to know. I was traumatized for about 46 seconds tho.

I had a deja vu moment. Last Friday I was sent to Terminal 2 and the passenger I picked up was goin to East New York on New Jersey Avenue. Now, I'm being sent to Terminal 2 and this passenger I pick up is goin to East New York on New Jersey Avenue. As a matter of fact I think it's the same block also WTF. This guy though was Spanish and he tipped me 25%. But the main issue was that on Atlantic Avenue that street was closed off. Come to find out someone got shot & hella cops were searchin for the guy who did it. There was even a CBS2 chopper hoverin overhead. Doesn't summer start in June, not March? Needless to say when in ENY the off-duty light is on full blast.

This British dude gets in my cab & tells me to take him to Union Square. Another broad & her cronies would tell me the same shit later. Look...Union Square is a hella broad area, you need to be more specific about where you want me to drop you off at. As long as I see the words Union and Square that's where it's gonna be...I don't give a shit if it's 14th street or 17th street you're gonna have to deal with it. Anyhow the British dude pays with card and gives me a $0.00 tip. I tried so hard not to stifle my laughter bc it showed up on the meter. He felt bad however about it & that he forgot to add it. I get $2 tip. Nice recovery. The dumb broad & her cronies take a cab from 2nd and 14th to Union Square (4th and 14th) you have got to be kidding me. $4.30 but they give me $4. Whatever to be honest.

A lesson in idiocy took place around 745pm EDT. This broadicua initially hails a cab at 33rd street & 6th ave...then says nevermind...then as I'm about to pull off decides she wants to get in. Where you goin? "To the train station." Uh, which one? "6 train Park Avenue" The one on 33rd or 42nd Grand Central? "33rd." I have no problem with this obviously except for a few things:
1) It's 65 degrees out!
2) The station is 4 or 5 crosstown blocks away.
3) I can't even make a right turn on 34th street until 8pm so I have to go make it on 36th.
4) The bitch only had $5 to her name...which she doesn't tell me until I'm on Madison and 36th. "Sir I only got $5." How you gonna tell me this when as soon as you step in the cab it's $4 Mon-Fri between 4pm and 8pm. "I'm sorry sir." Maricon.
5) She was in need of burning some extra calories to put it nicely.
6) Her neck tattoo is tacky as fuck. Some chinese symbol...chinese tats are so 1999.

I guess I did have a problem with it, or 6. Her ride was $6.30 and since I only got the $5 it basically was a $4.50 ride for me. Fail.

Some people though are smart, even though it takes away some money from my ride. Broadway is a nightmare around the SoHo area and this chick wanted to take the cab to Spring street. We're stuck in traffic near Houston & she tells me she wants to get out...which is fine because Spring is 2 blocks away (albeit they're kinda long blocks but still..it's nice out).

The next dude that gets in my cab is carryin a TV that from what I know his gf bought but he had to pick up. I respect that. He goes on to tell me that he's a Cali boy, etc and that his dream is to own a Lamborghini. This was mentioned bc we saw one parked on 6th avenue in a chrome silver. Sleek shit. At a light he takes out his camera phone and shows me that he was doin 155 on the dash in a Subaru while drivin around the Sierra Nevada mountains. WTF?? I've hit 100 on the dash maybe twice..EVER.

Rules of cab engagement are simple. First come first serve. If you hail me from across the street & I stop; but someone else runs in before you get there...your loss. Time is money. Sure I want to be nice/cordial as possible but I gotta make moves.

This dude & his peeps get in and take me to 34th and 3rd from 11th and 1st. One of them asks me what my favorite 80s song is. I can't come up with any right now because the question came from left field. He asks me when I was born (1985) and the response: "WOW I thought I was young..I was born in 1981." Ohhh. Anyway, he tells me he went to NYU for graduate school and I tell him I went for my undergrad..but I'm jealous because he went to school at UMiami from 2000-2004. Talk about the football team for a bit & just how sick the 2001 squad was. He tells me that they're hella chill guys (I had a co-worker tell me the same thing about the football players while he was at The U also so it must be a trend).

One of the last groups of people I pick up were these Spanish peeps comin from Webster Hall. I immediately thought trouble but they asked to go to Penn Station. The 6 of em pack into my van. No they weren't goin to mow anyone's lawn. Big Pimpin comes on the radio & they tell me to blast it and they start singin the lyrics. I do too, and the guy in front goes "Hell yeah!" lmfaooo. They give me $10 on an $8.30.

I hit my goal around 2am & I see one of my boys standin outside of Nevada Smiths so I say fuck it lemme park & chill for a hot minute. Obviously I get asked if I have the cab on me or not. I do. One of my boys and his girlfriend ask for a ride to Brooklyn and they got it. Knowin I don't work for free, they get the ride and even tip me 25%. Life is good. I can go home in peace.

Drunky Saturdays begin at 415pm EDT so this should be good. And so on.