Car Wreck.

Ever since I got my license when I was 17, I've for the most part been a meticulous driver. Aside from 3 speeding tickets I've gotten, running a stop sign and a couple of minor accidents everything for the most part's been aight. When I drive fast it's not like I'm bobbing and weaving through traffic, I go with the flow of traffic and all that shit. I've driven in different states with different rules, driven with countless people droppin them back off home or goin places. Driving can be a lot of fun.

But just like everything in life, you can't take it for granted because in a flash shit can change.

It was just another typical Friday, business as usual working at Crapple. Apparently it had been raining all day albeit lightly and it was still raining when I got off my shift. A normal drive home, boom no problem I figure I'm gonna relax for a little, feed myself and then get ready to hit uptown with Jawann and his people.

"You have to drop off Chine." My dad goes. I'm a little frustrated by this seeing how not only is it still raining, but I just got home and wanted to get settled...but I figure it's whatever. I grab a sandwich and then get right back on the road. Traffic is moving alright the whole way to Brooklyn and I'm just relaxed, looking forward to what I figure will be a good night. I'm running a little late but I'm not terribly concerned, especially knowing my boy is running late himself. Traffic on the way back is slower. Typical, whatever. I hop on the LIE then the Grand Central going east and then when I get closer to exit 13 I would have to choose my destiny: Keep going on the Grand Central and take it to the Cross Island (traffic's moving quicker) or take the Van Wyck to the Belt Parkway (not as quick but a shorter route)? I choose the former...

I'm looking like a genius cruising on the highway and I switch onto the Cross Island. No real problems still...traffic isn't moving as quickly as I would hope but I'm still making due time. I'm almost home now and as I approach the Belmont Racetrack exit I'm still in the middle lane. I then decide to make another fateful decision and go onto my right lane because a good gap has formed...

Passing the Linden Blvd exit I am two exits away from home and I'm just thankful that I can finally go home and relax. But wait a minute- someone's coming onto the highway and the person's going slower than they really should be. I do notice this and I go to apply the brakes, however with the road being wet I don't really have that much traction and now I'm beginning to panic. Other people are successful why am I not...fuck fuck fuck please move please move...I have one last chance to avert disaster...turn the wheel just don't hit him car slow down please....

WHAP!

It happened all in one instant. Five seconds ago I was just fine. Now suddenly I have a million thoughts going into my head. My first concern was FUCK I JUST WRECKED MY CAR AND HIT SOMEONE FROM BEHIND which no matter what is gonna make it appear that I'm at fault. My airbags deploy, the inside of the car begins to fill up with smoke and I'm making sure I have everything. I immediately get out the car and I am just frustrated as to what happened. I slam the top of the car but I have to quickly move away from the smoke. Shaking (more so from the long-term ramifications than the short-term), I am frozen in time for a minute before I make the call to my parents to come to the scene. I can't believe I'm telling them I got into an accident. My head is flooded thinking:
1) FUCK I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO GO OUT NOW
2) HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA GET TO WORK NOW WITH NO CAR?
3) THIS DUDE IS GONNA TRY TO SUE MY ASS
4) MY PARENTS ARE GONNA HATE ME FOR THIS
5) THIS CAR IS TOTALLY WRECKED AND ITS GONNA COST ALOT TO FIX THIS

I wasn't even concerned with my physical well-being (in which honestly I'm fine, I bruised up my lower chest/upper ribcage but fortunately I have no internal bleeding, X-Rays were negative and it happened in the area where it's mainly cartilege and it avoided my lungs and heart).

Mentally I'm a wreck. I don't want to tell anyone what just happened to get people overly concerned but at the same time I just can't believe that it had to happen to me, so close to my house, and it probably would've all been avoided. My mind's just thinking to itself:
1) What if I stuck with taking the Van Wyck/Belt combo?
2) What if my dad's friend never came?
3) What if I just stayed in the frickin middle lane?
4) What if it didn't rain?
5) What if I had just one more second to avoid it?

I mean, the officer did tell me that I should be thankful that I only sustained a bruise and nothing worse. However, I could've cared less about that and I don't really know why. I couldn't measure the impact of the situation in terms of how "it could have been worse" because it really could have been. I could've broken a bone, had a debilitating injury, lost my life, whatever. The accident could've been a multi-vehicle. I could've slammed into my driver's side (the main impact occured on the passengers' side). I could've had a passenger with me. But none of that crossed into my mind. I was upset and shaken, pacing back and forth, just in disbelief and anger in myself as to what could have been.

I went home, called Ashley (my best girl friend/the one I always consider my "girlfriend-in-waiting" hah) and told her what happened. I love her, I really do it just sucks that she's so far away from me and in Illinois while I'm here in NYC. I just wanted to sleep, curl up into a ball. I didn't cry, I don't do those but yes I was really upset. I woke up the next morning, physically fine but psychologically in no mood to head into work, so I called out. Then...

"You have to drop off your sister to piano. Be careful please."

You have got to be kidding me. With another car this time but I just got into an accident 12 hours ago and I haven't fully shaken off the trauma and now this? Fuck man. I literally didn't go faster than 60 on the highway the entire time and I stayed in the middle lane (I am scared of the right lane now). The rest of the day was just thinkin about those what ifs...before I finally was able to go out and forget about all of this. However, my frustration about the situation led to me probably drinking more than I should have Saturday night...falling asleep briefly on the 416 Huntington train but check this out:

I WAKE UP RIGHT AFTER THE DOORS CLOSE FOR JAMAICA AND I HAVE TO TAKE IT TO FUCKIN NEW HYDE PARK!

Now I'm panicking, and just uber-pissed because now I have to take a cab back home. I walk to the dispatcher and I just say I need a fuckin cab. I don't give a fuck how much it costs just take me to one. Keep in mind- I have work with adidas at 7am and now it's approaching 5am. I was also supposed to get my ribs checked out (hence the prognosis that I now know of). The cab comes and he tells me it'll cost $30 and I absolutely go berserk (self-anger). It scares the driver and he literally jumps out and says he's not gonna drop me off. After pleading with him and telling him I'm sorry, he goes ahead and drops me off. I'm furious with myself however in that one mistake cost me $30 that I could have easily saved had I simply woken up 5 min earlier or not fell asleep at all. By the way, I didn't even make it to adidas because I was at the hospital til around 830-9am (I got there around 630-7).

And just for icing on the cake to recap my week:
1) Mets & Jets both lose today, and the Phillies sweep their doubleheader.
2) Last night I went to a party and although I am in good terms with her; just seeing one of my ex'es and her new boyfriend even though it didn't bother me, kinda weirded me out especially knowing I had asked her out exactly 2 years to the day.
3) My most recent ex is basically engaged. Good for her and her new boyfriend but the whole situation (from time to time) still bothers the daylights out of me.

And so on.