Lowered Expectations.

Watchin the Phillies-Mets game live on Tuesday night, seeing my team completely implode in the top of the 9th inning, let a 3 run lead snowball into a 3 run deficit in a matter of 10-15 minutes and ultimately lose the game was heartbreaking, surreal, and absolutely disgusting to watch. At least if I was watching it on TV I could change the station but I was helpless sitting there as our opportunity of being in sole possession of first slipped like sand through your fingers. After the game this shit had me thinkin about what's been happening to me lately: Expectations that are never fulfilled.

It has nothing to do with "being negative" or whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean...but being optimistic results me into being let down. So I find a happy medium and be realistic. For example with the Mets game, I was hella pumped to go since the Mets and Phillies were tied for first, a huge series and rivalry back home all that shit. Sure it's the middle of July but it had a playoff feel to it and it is important to get that first victory in any series. Everything was going right and then that one inning turned to shit and I lost. I feel like that when I interview for sports internships and what not with the interviews I feel like I nailed down. I have a feeling that I'm the top candidate up until the end when I'm sure I get "upstaged" somehow by some other fuck...and I don't get the internship. This crushes my confidence because it almost makes me feel like this isn't for me. You know what, maybe it isn't but I came too far and I can't let them see me crack or else they'll put a sledgehammer to me and Berlin Wall the fuck outta me.

Sometimes you just lower expectations so you don't get all pissed off when something doesn't go right. My summers are a perfect example. I expected good summers in 06 and only a decent one in 07 since I wasn't livin in the city like I was in 04-06. However, 2007 was arguably the most fun summer I had and everything that could go right for the most part did. Now, I knew this summer was gonna sip on that penile fluid but good God it's been boring as fuck. I don't know if it's the fact everyone's grindin and doesn't have time anymore, or I've fallen into a routine that I can't get out of, or I feel like I'm stuck on neutral trapped in quicksand but shit man. Not to mention 07 and 08 are literally 180s of each other.

Of course with the ladies, I never know what to expect...but as usual we have our dry spells and then prime-time slip and slides. I def must be in the midst of a dry spell because it's beginning to feel alot like 04-mid 06 for me all over again where I can't seem to find ANY luck with the females. For a good year or so however I was dominant though I don't know if having 3 girlfriends in that time period is exactly dominant hah. At the same time however, I felt like the quality of females that I did talk to was on the rapid upswing (it may have to deal with me losing a shitload of weight at that point which helped my swag tremendously). However now, and especially since around March...my swag is almost non-existant and I'm back to my 04-mid 06 ways of just settlin for whoever and whatever hah. Lowered expectations fo sho because I feel like yes I can converse with a bangin chick but at the end of the day I know it's gonna be an epic fail. I defeat myself already so I don't feel retarded.

The scary part with me is that I can forsee most of these pratfalls, and I hate to really think in a negative aspect but I almost always end up being right. Overanalyzing it? Perhaps. But being accurate is definetly true. I doubt certain things for what they are and although I'm scared that I am right, I need to respect my gut instinct because afterall being humans (who are animals)= you gotta have primal instinct. One thing's really been bothering me lately but I'll keep that to myself and to that other person.

These combined things have slammed my ego to the ground. I haven't broke yet and I will never let anyone see me break. People always say you have to create your own luck, blah blah blah. How the fuck do you do that hah? Maybe I need to go back to church and pray again; or see a psychic, or a psychiatrist I don't know. I need motivation and all that shit because I have absolutely nothing. I'm definetly a shell of my former self. But don't you dare feel sorry for me because I don't ever want you to.

And so on.

DK's Playbook: The Finish-Her.

It's one of the most patented moves out there, but it's a move that you have to time correctly...or it can totally blow up in your face. Plus- it's not a move that just anyone can try. It's the massage technique...aka the Finish-Her (at least for me hah).

Let's say you're at the bar or whatever and you're hittin it off wit this chick, you wanna get a little more agressive so you tell her to sit down, have her back facin you and you decide to give her a lil shoulder rub. Once you get to this point, that's a HUGE dealbreaker bc it can go 1 of about 6 ways.

1) The good: Your hands work their magic on her shoulders/back and you notice how relaxed/dazed she becomes. But dazed for you- you got her if she begins to rock a bit, neck loosens and her head goes back almost in a sensual way hah. She keeps tellin you how good it feels and you keep goin for a few b4 you stop bc you don't want her fallin asleep on you. By then you got her in your spell, enchated. So easy a DK can do it.

2) The bad: You start massagin her but she's not respondin to you. In other words you're clownin yourself. She may like it but she's apathetic towards it, wonderin why you got your hands on her. It doesn't matter if you stop a second from now or 5 min from now, you just blew it by gettin too agressive.

3) The ugly: She hates massages and she squirms bc it feels funny.

4) The ugly: You suck, which means if you can't pleasure her like that how the fuck u gonna pleasure her when it counts hah. Most dudes who attempt to apply the Finish-Her fail because they're too rough, or don't know the technique. You can't just go hands-on and squeeze, repeat x50, she's not a spongebob. There's a way- but I'm not tellin you.

5) The bad: Yall are sober; and she's with friends who's ready to Kok Blok Dojo Academy your ass. Honestly, if you're gonna pull off the move, everyone should be drunk and it should be after 2am. By then no1 gives a fuck about a shit anyway.

6) The good: You don't need to do it.

In other words, be wise when applyin this move because it's basically an all-or-nothin maneuver. While yes, it's an easy way to get to feel on a girl- just like with everything in life- look before you touch and proceed with caution. Either you'll be her Trojan Man or you'll be her Craig Hansen; there's pretty much no other gray area. Back in my day when I had no conversing skills/over-agressive, I'd just put the move into use any chance I had...with minimum success. Now I rarely apply it because it's not necessary, or I just do it for the fuck of it. And so should you.

And so on.

At the end of the day.

1) I'm really a relationship guy. Sure it's fun to fool around from time to time, spit some G to the ladies and get digits, make out, whatever...but at the end of the day I'm lookin for a chick in the long run who is intellectually stimulating, beautiful (on both ends of the spectrum) and so on.

2) The chick that you wind up settlin down with, if you're gonna marry her, looks do matter. Yeh they matter less than they did when you were a teen or if you wanna hang-n-bang but think about your kids, you don't want to pump out ugly ones. If a chick is prettier than you, her genes will even out your ugliness and the kid will be aight hah. Gotta have a legacy.

3) How can you get into a chick's pants if she's wearin a dress/skirt?

4) I really do enjoy workin at the Apple Store, even if it's something I didn't see happening at this point last year. And it will help me out in the long run bc I interact with hella people per day and that'll improve my social skills.

5) I almost want an iPhone 3G but no Verizon= no phone. I'll get an iPod touch tho.

6) There's no use in trying to keep up with people and over the course of your lifetime you'll see who come and go so although it's tough- it's best to not get too close to people. By now you know who your real best friends are anyway.

7) I can run a mile in 8:30 which for a man my size ain't bad. But I need endurance now...

8) The beach is overrated.

9) I can't believe how grown some of these "incoming college freshmen and freshwomen" look when they come into my store...and on the flipside, how young lookin some of them are too.

10) Is waiting 8 hours on line for a cell phone worth it?

11) International chicks > Out-of-state/Upstate chicks > NYC chicks in terms of friendliness.

12) Clubs are overrated. The equation why: $25 cover + $12 drinks + chicks who only wanna dance amongst themselves + competing with "ballers" who buy bottles + low hook-up rate + very low relationship-worthy rate + the world Kok Blok Dojo championships= Trash.

13) Thursday is the new Friday. Friday is the new Saturday. Saturdays are overrated bc they're LI nights.

14) I am a very impatient person when it comes to ladies.

15) http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=41121711&l=c20e3&id=803469

16) Facebook > Myspace > Whore House > Craigslist.

17) Hanley Ramirez > Jose Reyes > Jimmy Rollins.

18) Gambling Gods only are evil when you're on a roll or if you try to bet on more than 3 teams.

19) BJ Ryan cost me $155.

20) I'm a bandwagon Devil Rays fan as well now.

21) Jersey girls = Long Island girls.

22) Philadelphia/South Jersey= jungle fever. Hence chicks there > Long Island.

23) Express shirts/shirts with funny quotes on them > Ed Hardy, Affliction shirts.

24) The tight jeans down to the ass/rockstar belt/80's baby look= Gay.

25) Best word ever after fuck= Cunt.

26) Female masturbation > porn.

27) Long Island > Staten Island. That's the only love LI gets.

28) Most underrated karaoke song: Pimpin All Over the World- Ludacris.

And so on.