Craigslist Nightmare.

Well of course tryin to find a "casual encounter" on there might not be the best thing in the world to do (no I haven't tried this...yet but you get my point). I found a job listing on this bitch entitled "Sports / Entertainment / Entry Level / Marketing / Sales (Queens/Long Island NY)." Fuck Long Island but everything else about it sounded pretty damn good.

So I apply for this because I see this said company works with professional sports teams, blah blah blah. So I'm thinkin Sports and Entertainment Marketing, this is wassup right here...chances to move up pretty quickly, etc. I get a call back literally the next day for an interview; which the interview lasts about 10 or so minutes before they tell me they like me enough for a 2nd interview on Monday.

In the meantime I check out their website and their website is not detailed at all and very vague. But since I'm under the impression that it's a growing company and is a work in progress; I let it rock and am curious to see what this job really entails me to do. I start to sort of have a bad feeling as to what it could be but I try not to let that creep in my head.

Monday I go to this interview and they tell me to wait outside for a bit. I later am introduced to some people- who are pretty chill by the way and my leader. First thing I need to do is move my car from the street to the garage; aight cool. Then I get in a car...umm ok.. I'm thinkin in my head I'm gonna be checkin out office operations and shit like that...no I'm headin to White Plains. WHITE PLAINS?? FOR WHAT?? Then I come to realize that this "marketing job" is some soliciting shit. The premise is pitching a product to either a business or individial which is deeply discounted (i.e. Citilights Cruises 8 tickets for $40 as opposed to 1 ticket @ $40). It's a sick deal indeed but to go to these people cold like that I don't like this idea at all. All day on Monday I'm walkin around White Plains with my trainer watching her try to get people to buy a spa package at Lisa's Day Spa (a $245 value at $50). We probably went to like 100 different places at least it felt like it did anyway and out of all of that "chipping away"...3 sales. 3 fuckin sales, dear God. The hook is to try and get people to believe that it's an impulse and you're missing out on something good if you don't get this offer right now...and it works on some people but not on others. I'm taking mental notes of this and while I don't like it..it's not TOO bad.

I head back to the office, take a questionnaire and then get hired to join the team. Needing time to think about this and to rest as well...I tell them I will begin on Wednesday. My parents get wind of this and my dad warns me that this job sounds like one of those Avon sales jobs..or that Vector Knife bullshit jobs (Lord have mercy) and it is beneath you. Although I'm sure they're right, I tell them that I have nothing else to fall back on right now and reluctantly go today in this fuckin snow/rain storm because I knew that ppl in training would make $300/week.

I get in at 8 and sign the distributor contract. I get briefed into what I learned on Monday in terms of beginning to pitch the product (today was the Citilights Cruise thing). I thought I was gonna have to go back to White Plains today and was dreadin it all the way...until they told us we were only goin to Northern Boulevard (and staying in Queens fortunately). Fair enough, so we begin with everything at 10am. For 2 1/2 dreary hours, myself and my trainer go into EVERY SINGLE non-private building trying to get the employees there, people chillin in cars and people walkin on the street about the product. Half of em don't even understand/speak "engleesh" so that defeated the point, some of em wouldn't really give you the time of day and then there were some close-but-no-cigar ones. I tried to stay interested but it's really hard for me to get excited about selling discounted cruise tickets (though I won't like I would actually buy them). Only ONE person was willing to buy one off of us during the morning hours; yet my trainer stayed being happy. For what reason, hell did I know.

Lunch was bangin, I can't remember the name of the Pizza Shop but I would highly recommend it. The pitchin continued for the rest of the day with not ONE SALE being done. Some of the people that we talked to were hella chill and everyone for the most part were nice so I couldn't complain about that. I began feelin like one of those ppl on the train who ask for change at every train car for Food For The Homeless or some shit. You get so many No's you begin to expect it coming from someone even if they at first appear interested. We probably spoke to over 200 people and out of ALL OF THAT...one sale. Jesus.

I head back to the office for a brief meeting and what's goin on for tomorrow. Everyone gets their money for the day and then I get mine. I get SIX BUCKS. SIX FUCKIN BUCKS?!?! You have GOT to be kidding me. All that walkin in the rain, puddles, feet wet, sayin hi to a buncha ppl lends me $6??? I should have KNOWN THIS WAS A DAMN COMMISSION-ONLY BASED JOB. ANYBODY COULD DO THIS SHIT. I read: "No specific experience or education is required as we do all the training." Figures. Fuckin figures. The commission is 40% of whatever you sell so that's not THAT bad..but that puts undue pressure on you to make money. It's a good OPPORTUNITY but I prefer my money straight up; and I'm not gaining anything from this experience. Therefore tomorrow I will not show up and I will hereby quit.

I'm embarrassed. I'm infuriated. I got duped HARDBODY. I have nothing left to say...I can't believe I went through all of that. Back to square one for me I guess...

And so on.

DK Youtube Power 5: The Sniffles.

For no other true reason other than that I'm bored...I decided to compile this list.

5) Chad Johnson Crying Over A Loss: Primarily because the Bengals had dropped their record to a measly 4-1 after this game. I don't remember what season this was and losses suck at anytime but dear God get a grip.

4) Giants Fan in Shambles after Eagles Loss : I know that loss hurt...because I know that team was dedicated. But beating the Steelers and Cardinals' asses? Not quite buddy. Those were close games. At least yall have a damn Super Bowl trophy recently. LMAO @ the chick by the way.

3) Crying Sorority Girl: The first 15 seconds of it had me dying. That classic white girl voice is prominent from beginning to end. She could definitely get it too, but if she's all choked up after trying to make it snow...I wouldn't want to know the result if...no no, I'm not gonna go there ha.

2) Wrestling Fan Cries: Don't get it twisted, wrestlers do sustain a lot of bumps and bruises during their shows I'm sure. But if you're over the age of 13 and still believe that it's 100% real you need to get evaulated by the National Institute of Mental Health (if they have one). Why would you care for what they've done to their bodies when you don't even care about your own? Fuckin hypocrite.

1) You already know what this is gonna be : I'll probably never get tired of this. Ever. In my life.

And so on.

A Change in the DK Buy-A Drink Philosophy?

Here's the thing:

For years I have advocated heavily in the quest of young men to not waste their hard-earned money on the ladies. But through a couple of experiences in the past few weeks, maybe it's not a bad idea afterall to go ahead and do so...with catches of course. These are some okay exceptions:

1) See some chicks at the bar chattin it up with the bartender (who you're hella cool with). He introduces you to them, shoot the shit with them for a bit and then offer them shots. They actually feel guilty...only for the bartender to say that it's all good since the shots were on him anyway. Cha-ching!

2) Met a girl who I was diggin at an open bar. Asked if she wanted a shot of Patron and she said aight. God bless the power of open bar.

3) Met a couple chicks on Thursday while they were tryin to find what Karaoke song to sing. Parlay with them for a hot minute then offer to buy them Patron shots. They're all down with this and head downstairs with myself and a friend. I only paid for my shot and his. Their shots were on him. Ohhhh yeahhhhh.

4) Last night I met a hella chill chick at my homegirl's birthday party/happy hour. After yip yappin and whatnot the jello shot lady came on through. She wanted one but didn't have $3 to spare. Young DK being the man he is paid for himself, his boy, her, and her lady friend for the shots. $3 ain't that serious, especially when it can only help you further. I prob didn't need to buy the shot to be honest...but if you can grab an additional brownie point..fuck it. Low risk, high reward ya dig?

5) At the same spot, the shot lady came by and asked if I wanted a shot. For some odd reason or another I decided to start up a convo with her and this lasted ehh a good ten minutes or so. Shot the shit as I like to do but like Mad Lion I had to take it easy since she's workin and all that. But hey, when u ain't boring it's all good. But I didn't wanna be a dickhead so I got myself and her a shot on me ($4 each so essentially after my tip I gave her $6 in tips, what a lucky chica). She then told me to say bye to her before I left and told me the days that she works. Maybe I go for it? Fuck it nah mean?

So hey, at the end of the day I may be more inclined to be accommodating in this fashion. Just make sure you at least get somethin out of it; whether it's as simple as her number (or Facebook for you advanced stalkers), a make-out, a hang-n-bang, a relationship, a marriage; just not a "well it was nice meeting you I gotta go oh yeah I have a boyfriend too" nightmare. And protect your home-field advantage if you know a bartender because that comes in HUGE.

And so on.

Over-Excitement?

Young DK was awoken at 730am much to his displeasure this morning because his sister wanted him to drop her off to school- even though she wasn't feeling well. I was havin a damn good dream too, too bad I don't quite remember what it involved (probably some chick and myself, as most of my dreams typically are). Anyway I got some breakfast and went back to bed at 9.

11am comes:
Pops- JAY!
Me- (mumbles what??)
Pops- Aren't you gonna watch the inauguration?!
Me- (mumbles) he ain't gettin inaugurated til noon (hmph).

I wake up at around 11:55 and half-asleep I place myself on the couch and witness Obama getting inaugurated, and him giving his speech.

At the end of all of this, I just felt like it was a typical inauguration. The excitement for me at least of Barack being the first black president sworn in left me a long time ago, left me on Election Day. Part of it was due to the media. Never before have I seen this much anticipation and leadup to an inauguration. It's an excellent moment in history no doubt. As an African-American, yes I am proud. But it humors me to an extent when I see all these people in tears and whatnot, suddenly proud to be an American because of one figure. Never before has a president gotten this much attention, hype and praise even before taking office. This is akin to Tim Tebow already being hailed as the greatest college football player of all time; or when people were anointing Reggie Bush as the next Barry Sanders (nigga please); or all those "the Next Jordans" in the NBA. There's so much that needs to be fixed that had been fucked up for the past 8 years that it ain't gonna happen overnight. Change has come yes, but it would have came irregardless of who our next president was gonna be. All these specials on how the black man has had to overcome yes they're all nice...but they get repetitive after a while. Do they need to be out there? Sure I guess, the more you know, the better. But overkill can be a dangerous thing. It ruined this special moment for me just a bit because it made the inauguration anti-climatic. Now it's time to get to work. One thing I'm pretty confident though is this. As long as Obama makes progress in these four years, it's gonna be next to impossible for whoever runs against him in 2012 to beat him.

And so on.

NFL Championship Weekend Bettors Guide.

Last weekend: 2-2 straight up and ATS. Overall: 4-4 straight up and ATS.

Philadelphia Eagles @ Arizona Cardinals (+3.5)- The Eagles destroyed the Cards in the last meeting 48-20 but keep these things in mind: 1) Arizona was traveling out east and 2) Philadelphia had just gotten humiliated the week before by the Ravens 36-7 and was just waiting to take it out on somebody. Nightmares for the Birds. Philly hasn't been that impressive to be honest in their 2 victories especially on the offensive side of the ball. They were able to take advantage of two run-first teams and very ineffective QB play by the future hall-of-famer Tavares Jackson and Eli Manning who can't play in the Meadowlands for shit. The Air Cards and Kurt Warner will provide a much tougher challenge this weekend and their o-line has done a great job up to this point. The key here for Philly is keeping the Cards off the field and having someone other than Desean Jackson and Brian Westbrook step up. Donovan McNabb did a masterful job on 3rd downs last week- and that was the difference in the Giants game. Random fact: The Cards have a +7 turnover ratio in these playoffs. The Cards may not stop the Eagles, but the Eagles aren't gonna stop the Cards either. High scoring duel in the desert: Arizona 31 Philadelphia 24

Baltimore Ravens (+6) @ Pittsburgh Steelers: Considering the Steelers only won by a combined 7 points in the two meetings they had this year...I'm shocked this is the spread. Ravens are 5-1 SU in their last 6 road playoff games...while the Steelers are 6-1 in their last 7 home playoff games. These teams are about as evenly matched as you're gonna find in football and know each other's tendencies so well. The over/under is 34 but I seriously doubt it's even gonna come close to scratching that surface. The Steelers won their game against the Chargers because they imposed their will on them in the 3rd quarter (and getting fortunate with 2 turnovers to boot). The Ravens bent against the Titans...but when push came to shove they won the turnover battle 3-0. I don't even need to get into all the specs since they've been pounded to yall a million and one times. Just know this: Ed Reed is the best defensive player in the NFL. Baltimore 14 Pittsburgh 10

And so on.

"I Don't Play Games."

This has honestly turned into my favorite line of all time that girls love to use. Let me tell you somethin, this is about as true as a Xenadrine I lost 30 pounds in 4 weeks commercial. You don't want a guy that plays games huh? You wanna know why? Because you don't like 2-player games, only you're allowed to play the game. It's really unfair *sniff*. Young DK doesn't play games either, I allow you to play them and you wind up playin yourself and playin with yourself because I don't have time for it. My bluntness can sometimes be my downfall. I read your profiles on Rapespace, Facebook, whatever dating sites I decide to join for fun and I see the same shit. I ain't into games. Yes you are, games provide entertainment value. Games provide drama that you love even though you claim you don't want any more drama in your life. All you want to do is turn a man into your little pawn that gets swallowed up by the queen on the chess board in 3 moves. If you're successful you then deem him as boring and you move on to the next contestant. If you fail you wallow and go cry like Nancy Kerrigan WHY???? HUH-HUH-HUH-HUH. Shut up now. But you'll still run back to him. Because he plays games. You love games. If he doesn't play them you will. But yet if you both do, it becomes XBox live. Only one person can win. At the end just live happily ever after. Love ain't a game. But you want it to be. Fuck outta here. This is why young DK is still a reigning bachelor.

And so on.

Dear Starbucks,

You expect citizens like me, DK, to come out and volunteer five hours of my time and reward me with a friggin $3 cup of "tall coffee"? You gotta be fuckin kiddin me if you think I'm gonna get my ass up and do this shit. I understand that you are the new liquid crack; the official drink of Long Island and the uppity; the official drink of NYU; sponsored by Laguna Beach I'm pretty damn sure, blah blah blah blah. Your drink has successfully been able to cause long lines of liquid crack fiends like back in the 70s in the hoods of Baltimore, NYC and the like. Poor 18-35 year old people who bring in their Macbooks go on your wireless internet and sip on your liquid crack in which without it they feel like their lives are insignificant. A wonderful Folgers Cup or Maxwell House is no longer acceptable in today's society because of yall. My freshman year at NYU because of you I got some free coffee from willing liquid crack addicts who wanted my company to go on little mini-hits, I mean, dates. Watching these poor souls turn like Oprah bitching about her weight gain. She got a fuckin billion dollars yet she's still a fat fuck. Gimme a billion dollars. I have seen what you guys have done to these poor kids and young adults of America. And young DK will not volunteer 5 hours of his time that I would probably spend on Facebook anyway...for $3 of free coffee. That's $.60 an hour. Sweatshop workers laugh at me and joke at me in Thai.

Dear God.

Sincerely Yours,
DK